Thursday, November 19, 2009

Thursday morning

The last 72 hours I've spent either sleeping in a chemo infusion chair, sleeping on the couch, or sleeping in my bed. I wake up Thursday morning wishing I could sleep the next 72 hours and wake up next week instead. Before getting out of bed I run a few tests. Am I able to open my eyes? I couldn't open them Monday afternoon due to issues with muscle control. The eyes are working. Next I check the hands and feet for numbness and tingling. Do they move when I command them to? Can I bend my legs? Everything seems to be working this morning. I check the ileostomy for diarrhea. Yes, it's back, as expected.

I get out of bed. I am wearing sweat pants, sweat shirt, gloves, and socks. Protection from the nighttime cold to prevent my nerves from sending needles into my hands, feet, and legs. 

I swallow pills with water  heated in the microwave. My stomach seems to be calm so I drink a little more hot water (you can just imagine how refreshing this is) knowing that I am dehydrated and need to get as much fluid in my body as possible. There is nothing worse than drinking heated Gatorade or Pedialyte...

Stomach remains calm, so I decide to try breakfast. I get it down and return to my spot on the couch. The  pets jump up to join me. They like all the warm clothes and blankets! All four of us drift off on the couch with the TV quietly playing in the background.

When I wake up again, the dreaded nausea has returned. It seems to be a kind of motion sickness. If I don't move I feel relatively OK, but the moment I stand up I am nauseous. I gag often, but nothing comes up. Thankfully, the pharmacist has made a phenergan compound that can be rubbed on my wrists, bypassing the stomach and knocking out the nausea. It knocks me out too, and I sleep more.

With each treatment the side effects seem to hang around longer. This doesn't really give me encouragement for the next eight treatments. I don't like this. I wonder if I can really do eight more. I am clinging to my verse of the week: "But as for me, I trust in you." Psalm 55:23

I start to cry again, but it is painful after the Neulasta injection. I have so many tears inside that can't find a way out. 

Cancer is an awful disease. Every week I see so many people suffering as they fight for their lives. Many are elderly, some are young, some have been fighting for years and years. For some it has become a chronic disease, they continue to receive chemo treatments for months and years, just to keep the tumors at bay. I honestly cannot imagine how they do it.

I pray daily that no one else in my family or extended family ever has to fight this battle. 

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”  Exodus 14:14


  1. Sweet Laura: I sensed in my spirit that you were not doing well and have been praying for you OFTEN throughout the day and even at night when I wake up. I am praying that God will send you a Jesus with skin on today, to just encourage you! to hug you, tell you you are going to be JUST FINE!!! That you WILL make it through all speak words of LIFE over banish any spirit of oppression from your battle the enemy on your cause that warrior within you to rise up, to be strengthened. just sit on the couch and cry with you. Wish I was in Houston..I'd be right there!!! Just know that I AM doing that from a distance...
    love you! debbie

  2. :-( :-( :-( :-( :-(

    Praying praying praying !

    You can do it, one step and one day at a time.

    and YES, be still, the Lord will fight for you!

  3. I can understand why you wish you could sleep for a week! My friend battled breast cancer as a single mom with 2 teenagers and I know that it was ultimately her Faith that saw her through......just like you. It was heartbreaking to see her suffering but she is doing great now and was also reunited with her husband after 10 years! She told me one of the fruits of the spirit is "long suffering" (Galations5:22). I particularly don't like this one ( I like the love, peace,and joy!) but I can testify that when I allowed God to enable me to endure "long suffering" circumstances, He also rewarded me finally by giving me the desires of my heart.
    I know you know this but maybe hearing it now will help or maybe someone else needed to hear it!!

  4. Laura, I am so sorry you are having to experience so much pain, but am daily praying that The LORD will keep your spirits up, your courage strong, your zeal enflameed, and your eyes on Christ Alone.
    I encourage you to continue to Speak Outloud - even if it is in a whisper - your verse & or verses each day... for as you know, HIS WORDS ARE POWER "FULL" & Ps 119:89-90 Forever, O LORD, Thy Word is settled in heaven and Thy Faithfulness is unto "all" generations.
    Praying & believing for you, dear little sister in The Lord.

  5. Laura, I am sorry things are so difficult right now. I know I have no idea. Thank you for showing us how we can pray specifically for you. You are strong and courageous, and we are praying for you as you go through this battle one day at a time.
    Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you. Psalm 55:22
    Praying faithfully for you,

  6. Dear Laura, you are in my thoughts and prayers constantly...wish you could just blink and this would be over....missed you tonight :( With much love! Vickie D

  7. Praying for you today Laura! Praying for God to heal you and sustain you, Praying this verse for you today, Psalm 41:3 "The Lord will sustain you on your sickbed and restore you from your bed of illness".

  8. Dear Laura
    Que increiblemente honesta eres. Eres una inspiracion de valor y fe en Dios. Se que estos dias son muy dificiles y yo continuo orando por ti y por Marcos. Le pido al Senor que se glorifique con la vida y el testimnnio de ustedes.


  9. Oh my sweet Laura,
    There are no words. Crying with you. All I can do is pray. Just sleep and let God carry you. YOU AND JESUS CAN GET THROUGH THIS NIGHTMARE.