Friday, May 18, 2012

Worth It?

Dear Cancer Researchers,

I've said it before, and I'll say it again... I am so thankful for all you do. However, I also want to say that there HAS to be a better way - a better way to fight cancer than flooding our brains and bodies with life-destroying poison!  

I have always been the detail person. I never forget things. At least I never did until I went through cancer treatment... 

Recently, Mark and I, and our friends, Donald and Gretchen, flew into the Houston airport. After passing through immigration and customs, I left the three of them at Starbucks and went to get the car to drive around and pick them up. I knew exactly where I left the car - Terminal E, Level 5, Row M1. 

Twenty minutes later, I am standing in the parking lot, fighting back tears, sweating, and ANGRY! My car is nowhere to be found. I have walked every row of every level of the parking garage. I am horrified. I absolutely can't remember where I parked my car. I feel like I have been betrayed by my own body; like I've lost a part of myself. This has never happened to me before, not once in all my life, until now. I routinely lose my car. I frequently forget conversations, I regularly lose things around the house. I can't come up with words or names. 

And at this moment, alone in the parking garage, for the very first time, I ask, "Why me?" Why did MY brain cells have to be killed? Why do I have to live like this? Is it worth it?  The jury is still out for me... 

Through the grace of God, I finally find the car, pick up my passengers, and begin the drive home.  I am quiet, processing what happened, when God gently begins to open my eyes. 

  • I think of the whole reason we were just out of town - celebrating the 10th anniversary of Comunidad de Fe, the church we started in Cancun. Person after person came up to us that weekend and thanked us for starting the church. They told us amazing stories of how God had transformed their lives and families through the church. It was such an incredible experience!
  • I think of the school in the village of Bubanza, Burundi, Africa, that is now under construction. It will open in the fall to classrooms full of adults and children who, for the first time in their life, will have the opportunity to receive an education.
  • I think of the young girls in Honduras who have been rescued from sexual abuse and are now receiving food, shelter, love, and hope for a bright future.
  • I think of the email I received just this week from a woman whose life has been dramatically changed through Community of Faith.
  • I think of the student at COF who included Mark and I in his senior legacy project at school. His mother wrote to tell us of the positive impact we have had on his life. 
  • I think of my own children and all that is going on in their lives. I think of Sarah's approaching wedding, secure in the knowledge that I will be there!
I am humbled, and I am grateful. Life is precious. 

Yeah... it's worth it. Brain cells or not, I am glad to be here! 

God, please help me to depend on you when my less-than-dependable brain fails me. And please... show those cancer researchers a better way to treat and cure cancer!