In Every Way

Recently Mark and I had dinner with some good friends. As we were sitting around talking after dinner, my friend asked, "Laura, would you say that cancer changed your life?" Mark and I both laughed out loud, looked at each other,  and immediately answered, "Absolutely!" And then she asked, "In what way would you say your life has been changed?" 


The thought of it left me almost speechless. The change has been all encompassing. The only words I could speak were, "In every way" And those words seem so inadequate to describe what has happened. EVERYTHING about me is different. I may look the same on the outside, it may seem that my life has returned to the way things were, but the truth is that everything has changed.  


The way I think, the things I think, the way I feel, the dreams I have, my relationships with family and friends, my relationship with God... there is nothing that has not been profoundly affected in some way. I am a completely different person on the inside.


And I wouldn't change it for the world! 


I am stronger than I have ever been.  I am more confident than I have ever been.  It has caused me to speak my mind even more than I used to. I'm not sure that Mark thinks this is a good thing, but I am very happy to do so!


I am not afraid of anything. I have an unshakeable peace. I know without a doubt that my life and my future are held in the hand of God. There is nothing that can come against me that God and I together can't handle. I know that He will always stand on my behalf. There is tremendous peace in the knowing. 


My priorities have become more focused. I don't waste time or energy on things that don't fit into those priorities. Family matters. My friends matter. God's Kingdom matters. And that's about it!


I am constantly aware that life is fragile and death is certain. That may sound morbid, but honestly, it makes each moment sweeter because I recognize the gift and value of each day I am given. 


So, yes, cancer changed my life. Completely. Thankfully.

A Day to Celebrate!

December 20, 2011 has been a day to CELEBRATE!!! 

Today I went to see the oncologist and was told that my most recent PET scan was NORMAL and all my blood work was PERFECT!!  All the doctors, nurses, and staff were smiling. They told me not to come back for six months!  This was the best early Christmas present ever! Thank you God, for this gift!

Me, rockin' the paper gown and red shoes!

Today Mark and I celebrate 28 years of marriage! I am so grateful to be married to my best friend! We have had the most amazing life together and we are looking forward to many more years of adventures together! Thank you, God, for this gift!

December 20, 1983

Today we celebrate my dad's birthday too!  I have the best dad in the world! He has always prayed for me daily, pointed me to Christ, and supported and encouraged my dreams. I am so thankful for his consistent example of a man "after God's own heart."  Thank you, God, for this gift!

Daddy

Today my girls are home and it's almost Christmas! I am so thankful that God "loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life." Thank you, God, for this gift!

Celebrating Christmas 2011

I pray that each day of this Christmas season is a day to CELEBRATE for you and your family! I am thankful for each one of you and your faithful friendship! Thank you, God, for this gift!

Think Again

The past month has been the most difficult of our 30+ years of ministry. We have faced situations that we have never experienced before. Our hearts have been broken, our trust betrayed. 


In the middle of all of these experiences, I read this in Jesus Calling one day:

This is a time of abundance in your life. Your cup runneth over with blessings... I want you to enjoy to the full this time of ease and refreshment. I delight in providing it for you.

I literally laughed out loud! This had been the worst month ever. The church had been rocked to the core, the people and staff were hurting. I thought to myself, "Well, this devotion is off the mark today; this is certainly not a time of abundance and blessing and ease and refreshment! I'll just disregard this little devotion."


Then God opened my eyes and spoke to my heart: "Laura, you are looking at it wrong. Your focus is off. These words are true. They are always true of your life, not based on your circumstances, but on my character."


God is still God. He is still on his throne. He  is continually pouring out his blessing and abundance on me. He continually offers refreshment to me if I will look to him to find it. He will ease the way if I let him carry the burden. He promises to be strong in my weakness. He delights in providing it for me!


What a change of thinking! What a profound turn-around of everything! The circumstances don't matter - they don't change the fact that my life is overflowing with God's goodness and blessing always, no matter how it may seem or how it may feel, or how difficult it may be.


Last weekend Mark preached from 2 Chronicles 20, the story of King Jehoshaphat, my favorite story in Scripture. God performed an amazing miracle and turned what the enemy intended to be the destruction of God's people into a "Valley of Blessing." That's what God does! I can't wait to see all that God is going to do as he turns the past 30 days into a "Valley of Blessing" for me and for my church!

"Give thanks to the Lord; his faithful love endures forever." 

2 Chronicles 20:21

He Knows

"The Lord is like a father to his children, 
tender and compassionate to those who fear him.
 For he knows how weak we are, 
he remembers we are only dust." 

Psalm 103:13-14

I have a weakness for pottery. I love the different shapes, the designs, the textures, the curves. I am intrigued by the fact that someone's hands formed the items I treasure; their creativity on display for others to enjoy. The bright colors bring me pleasure! 


Whenever we travel, I usually find some sort of pot or vase to bring home as a reminder of the culture and country we visited. Many in my collection have been gifts from friends around the world, making them even more special to me! 


One of my most prized possessions is probably the least expensive piece of pottery I have. It's value comes from the fact that it was given to me by my sweet Batwa friends in Burundi, Africa. They spent a week mixing the mud themselves, forming the pot, smoothing it with their hands, delicately carving designs around the side, and lovingly setting it in the fire to dry. They diligently worked together with me in mind, making gifts for all the guests who were coming. On the day of our final visit to their village, they thanked us for our friendship, they danced with us, prayed for us, and presented each of us with the gift of their handiwork. I was humbled and honored by their generosity. 


I knew this piece of pottery was extremely fragile, and I desperately wanted it to survive the journey to it's new home in Texas. I carefully wrapped the pot in my clothing, filling the inside and wrapping several t-shirts around to protect it. I put it in my carry-on bag, placing things around it to keep it from bouncing around during the trip. I cushioned it above and below. I carried it with me in the car to the airport. I kept it in my hands all through the airport. It never left my sight, except as it passed through the x-ray machine at the security check point. Even then, I was watching my bag go through the machine and I grabbed it as soon as it passed through. I kept it with me as we waited to board the plane, and I gently set it under the seat in front of me on the airplane. I kept my eye on it during all three flights home, making sure it didn't get bumped or roll around. 


I knew that this pot was delicate. I knew that even an unintentional blow could shatter what was so special to me. And because I knew, I took extreme measures to take extra special care of the pot. Thankfully, the pot made it to Houston and is now proudly on display in my home!


As I was reading Psalm 103:13-14 the other day, God reminded me of the Batwa pot. It's the picture of what God is saying in this verse. He knows how weak I am. He remembers that I am only dust. Just as I took extreme care of the fragile Batwa pot, God is lovingly caring for me. He wraps me up in his love. He fills me, he protects me. He never lets me out of his hands, and he never takes his eyes off me. He knows me, and so he carries me. 


I am grateful for a God who so lovingly "remembers we are only dust."

Today I want to acknowledge...

I've been reading through the book of Romans in the New Testament. Just the other day I opened my Bible and picked up where I had been reading and this is what it said,

“Since these people refused even to think about God, he let their useless minds rule over them. That's why they do all sorts of indecent things. They are evil, wicked, and greedy, as well as mean in every possible way. They want what others have, and they murder, argue, cheat, and are hard to get along with. They gossip, say cruel things about others, and hate God. They are proud, conceited, and boastful, always thinking up new ways to do evil. These people don't respect their parents. They are stupid, unreliable, and don't have any love or pity for others.”  Romans 1:28-31

I finished reading those verses and I sat there, deeply convicted that this is the most common lie I believe. I think I don’t need God. And I live my life based on that belief.  I don’t think it consciously, but I operate as if that were the case. 

Another translation of this verse says, “Since they didn’t bother to acknowledge God…”

How often have I failed to even acknowledge God? Just started the day out on my own, gone to school or work without thinking about God? Tried to resolve issues on the job, or struggles in my relationships without even acknowledging Him? How many times have I parented my kids on my own, without turning to God first? When I do that, I am basing my life on the lie that I don’t need God, and that’s a scary place to live.

The Bible very clearly tells me what the result of that belief is – if I refuse to acknowledge God in my life, my life will be characterized by these things : evil, wickedness, greed, indecency, gossip, cruelty, pride, etc.

And it’s not complicated. God isn’t asking me for something difficult. He just says acknowledge Me, think about Me. How do I acknowledge someone's presence? It can be as simple as a nod of the head, or a look in the eyes; but it changes how I operate, doesn’t it?  I see you, I know you are here, I am living and moving and working with the knowledge of your presence. If my boss is in the room, I do things differently. I make sure I am carrying out the company policies and procedures, I am operating based on the ideals of the company.

That’s what God is saying. Think about me, acknowledge me in your life on a daily, moment by moment basis and as you do, you will naturally begin to live your life based on God’s ideals and principles.

When I don’t acknowledge my need for God on a regular basis, and I don’t slow down long enough just to connect with God, to spend time with him, to read and meditate on the Scripture, I am saying that I don’t need God. I’ve got this God. No worries. I’m strong enough and smart enough, I have enough experience, and good will to handle it. You go ahead and take care of other things. 

And don’t you know God's heart just breaks! Not again, Laura, I’ve told you what’s going to happen – wickedness, arguing, cheating, gossip, pride, stupidity...

I’ve spent time with people who talk a lot about church, religion, and Christianity – I’m sure you have too. They talk a good game. But I’ve also spent time with people who actually live what they are talking about. There is a big difference between the two.

James 1:26 says, “Anyone who sets himself up as ‘religious’ by talking a good game is self-deceived.”

Christianity is not a religious belief system. It is intended to be a supernatural, personal relationship with the living dynamic God of the universe. That’s what the Bible is talking about here, not just a nice respectful belief system to help give you a peaceful, happy life. God intends for your relationship with him to be life-changing, to be transformational, and to produce authenticity in you.

God, today I choose to acknowledge your presence. Thank you that you never leave me on my own. Thank you that I don't have to handle things by myself. Thank you that you are patient with me, constantly teaching me and waiting for me to get it. I love you for that!

Imagination

A year and a half post chemotherapy, I think I am doing good. Physically I feel great. Emotionally I seem to have conquered cancer. Spiritually I have learned so much more about my God. But then, out of the blue, it starts again.

Week before last, for two days, I feel tired. My immediate thought: "It's back."  Anxiety takes over.  I feel sick.  I talk myself down.  "You didn't sleep well for two nights. That is why you feel tired.  Relax."

Last week, my stomach hurts. My immediate thought: "It's back." I remind myself,  "You JUST had a colonoscopy; your colon is healthy. Relax."

Today, I wake up with a headache behind my eye.  My immediate thought: "It's back.  It has metastasized to my brain." I laugh at myself!  "Really?? Colon cancer doesn't normally go to the brain. It's just a headache. Relax."

It's tiring having a brain, and an imagination! I obviously need to find something better to do with mine! 

 

The Perfect Dress

A few weeks ago Sarah, Ashley, and I set out on a search for the perfect wedding dress...

 (Yes, it was a windy day!)

We visited several wedding boutiques where Sarah was treated like the princess she has always been (hence the name "Sarah"!)...

As Sarah tried on many gorgeous dresses...

Ashley and I took a look around the store...

 After a two day search, Sarah found the perfect dress and placed her order...

(Sorry, no photo available! You didn't really think I was going to show it to you, did you?)

We were all super excited and started the drive home. It's hard to believe that I really bought a wedding dress for my sweet Sarah! Every girl dreams about her wedding day, and it is so exciting to see those dreams come true for Sarah!

On the way home, Sarah said, "Mom, I'm so glad you got to do this with me!"

I replied, "Of course I went with you! I wouldn't want to be anywhere else!"

Sarah paused and explained, "When you were sick, I didn't know if you would be here to do this with me."  Her eyes filled up with tears and they spilled onto her rosy cheeks.

I started to cry too, so sorry for the fear my girl had to face; and so eternally grateful that I am here to be a part of her wedding.  

Thank you, God, once again, for the gift of THIS day with my girls!