Thursday, November 5, 2009

I Hate Cancer

I hate cancer and I hate chemotherapy. That pretty much sums up my week! Today was day four of feeling sick and having an assortment of weird disconcerting side effects. Not only do the chemicals effect every cell of my body, they seem to creep into my mind and emotions as well! I can see that the next five months are going to be a tough mental and emotional battle for me as well as being a physical one.

Mark and I had a good friend, Rich, when we lived in Fort Worth. Whenever Rich was sick he would say he felt like "death eating a cracker." I used to laugh at that statement, but now I completely understand what "death eating a cracker" feels like! Another friend told me that she called chemotherapy "Chemo-sobby" because she cried all the time. I am definitely living in chemo-sobby land! The sad thing is that I feel so sick I want to cry, but it hurts too much to cry! Even the bones in my face hurt from the neulasta injection. 

One of the most relaxing things for me is to sit outside in the sun. I haven't been able to do this since I began this whole journey due to the drugs I am taking. My skin is more sensitive to the sun and can burn and be damaged easily. The last few days we have had perfect weather in Houston. This is not the norm and I was so sad to be sitting inside, again, and missing out on such beautiful days. So, today, I decided to go outside and enjoy the weather, thinking it might help me to feel better.

Yes, that's me! Enjoying the great outdoors! Relaxing in one of our lounge chairs, completely protected from the sun! There's no telling what my neighbor's thought, but it sure felt good to hear the trickle of the water from the fountains, to hear the birds singing, to feel the warmth of the sun, and to feel the gentle breeze! The breeze even blew up under the towel over my head and I knew it was God reminding me of His presence with me. 

The simple things in life are sweet. I am looking forward to a better tomorrow!


  1. Praying tonight for you, for a better tomorrow! Praying for less side effects and more healing in the days to come! I hope you are able to getting outside to enjoy the warmth of the sun. Reading your post tonight made me think of a verse that I am going to claim for you, Malachi 4:2-3 "But for you who revere my name, the SUN of righteousness will rise with HEALING in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall. Then you will trample down the wicked; they will be ashes under the soles of your feet" says the Lord Almighty." God promises to be like the healing warmth of the sun to those who love and obey him, like you Laura! Asking God to continue to pour out his hope and healing to you as you continue to love and trust him, like you do!!!

  2. This just stinks! I hate that you are having to go through this :( praying for you! love you!

  3. Cancer Haters unite... I HATE it, too! You are right... the next 5 months are going to be challenging, but YOU are amazingly strong and God is faithful and His grace is sufficient for you in your time of weakness. Your picture made me laugh because I went to Jake's field day yesterday and sat under an umbrella to stay out of the sun! Oh, how our lives have changed due to having cancer... We are stronger because of it! RIGHT? RIGHT! Hang in there, my friend, this too shall pass! Love you so much!

  4. Heavy words to express how sorry I am that you have to go through this. Just one big sigh of empathy.
    Love you my friend

  5. Laura,

    I am not sure that it's fair to make all of us laugh and cry in the same blog! You are in my daily prayers. Thank you for your openness and thank you, Lord, for giving Laura the ability to laugh, to make others laugh, and to find the good within the bad and for the extra helping of grace You have bestowed upon her!

    I prayed for an hour this morning as part of a prayer clock over a team from Good Shepherd who is doing the 60 mile breast cancer walk this weekend, and what the Lord kept leading me to pray was that everything in the cancer journey, whether their steps or the patient's battle, whoever was involved, whether the patient, the survivor, the spouse, the by-stander neighbor, be drawn ever closer to the Lord and how good He is and to know Him and love Him. Thank you for being a picture of this!

  6. We hate cancer right along with you! But in the whisper of the wind we are reminded of WHO is in control!

    Praying for you!

  7. Your not alone in this fight. You have God and you have us. We are all right next to you via in real life or through prayers fighting for you and with you. We get the luxury of not having the physical, emotional and mental roller coaster but we are standing next to you battling in every way we can for you with deep concern.
    It sounds rather lame to say 'thank you for taking us on this journey with you' but I don't really know any other way to put it because without reading this walk your on in this blog, I really have never seen what it was like for one to fight through a life threatening invisible to the human eye disease.
    You are not alone in this battle. Were going to all get through this with you together.