I Hate Cancer

I hate cancer and I hate chemotherapy. That pretty much sums up my week! Today was day four of feeling sick and having an assortment of weird disconcerting side effects. Not only do the chemicals effect every cell of my body, they seem to creep into my mind and emotions as well! I can see that the next five months are going to be a tough mental and emotional battle for me as well as being a physical one.


Mark and I had a good friend, Rich, when we lived in Fort Worth. Whenever Rich was sick he would say he felt like "death eating a cracker." I used to laugh at that statement, but now I completely understand what "death eating a cracker" feels like! Another friend told me that she called chemotherapy "Chemo-sobby" because she cried all the time. I am definitely living in chemo-sobby land! The sad thing is that I feel so sick I want to cry, but it hurts too much to cry! Even the bones in my face hurt from the neulasta injection. 


One of the most relaxing things for me is to sit outside in the sun. I haven't been able to do this since I began this whole journey due to the drugs I am taking. My skin is more sensitive to the sun and can burn and be damaged easily. The last few days we have had perfect weather in Houston. This is not the norm and I was so sad to be sitting inside, again, and missing out on such beautiful days. So, today, I decided to go outside and enjoy the weather, thinking it might help me to feel better.

Yes, that's me! Enjoying the great outdoors! Relaxing in one of our lounge chairs, completely protected from the sun! There's no telling what my neighbor's thought, but it sure felt good to hear the trickle of the water from the fountains, to hear the birds singing, to feel the warmth of the sun, and to feel the gentle breeze! The breeze even blew up under the towel over my head and I knew it was God reminding me of His presence with me. 

The simple things in life are sweet. I am looking forward to a better tomorrow!