Monday, June 1, 2009

Note to Self...

MONDAY, JUNE 1, 2009

It feels like there are two of me – the “Normal Laura” that performs the everyday tasks of life, and the “Cancer Patient Laura” who is consumed by doctor appointments, medical procedures, phone calls, waiting, and fear.

Monday morning I go into “Cancer Patient Laura” mode. Fear is a constant companion. It permeates everything, just under the surface. Fear of the unknown. Fear for my children. Fear of the future. Fear that I won’t be able to handle what comes my way. But then I remember that faith is not the absence of fear, faith is choosing to trust God in spite of the fear I feel. That’s it – Faith is a choice.

How many times have I taught that lesson? Faith is a choice. Choose faith today, Laura. I look back at all the Ladies Bible studies I’ve taught just this year. Every one was centered on the fact that we have to choose. God gave those lessons for ME!

May 14, 2009 Women of COF – These are some of the verses that I shared:

“Pour out your heart to God, for He is our refuge.” Psalm 62:8

“’In my distress, I said, God cannot see me!’ But You heard my prayer when I cried out to You for help.” Psalm 31:22

“…We saw how powerless we were to help ourselves; but that was good for then we put everything into the hands of God, who alone could save us, for He can even raise the dead.” 2 Corinthians 1:9

“So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace.” 2 Corinthians 4:16

Today we visited the colorectal surgeon. Wow, was that fun! He took another biopsy of the tumor, and sent me downtown to have another ultrasound of the tumor.

Note to self: Always bring an extra pair of pants when you are going to visit the colorectal surgeon…just in case!

Unfortunately, the news was not very encouraging. The second ultrasound seems to show that three lymph nodes are involved and that one piece of the tumor has already broken through the wall and grown into the fat tissue surrounding the rectum. If the biopsy shows cancer cells, then we are looking at chemo and radiation in the near future, and surgery within the next three months. If they don’t find any cancer cells then it will be a very unusual tumor and they will take out larger sections of the tumor to be able to study it more. I have a PET scan scheduled for 1:00 Wednesday to check the whole body for cancer cells.

Please keep praying for a miracle! Thank you to all of you who have left encouraging notes. You are holding me up!

This is one of my favorite quotes by Mark Buchanan, “Faith is finally this: resting so utterly in the character of God - in the ultimate goodness of God - that you trust him even when he seems untrustworthy."

“…not a day goes by without his unfolding grace.”

Love you all!


  1. One of the most favorite verses in our house...

    "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight" Proverbs 3:5-6

    Praying for healing and peace,
    Wendy Thomas-Schilleci

  2. I will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers.

  3. A year and a half ago, I found out that I had a brain tumor. I had a very private discussion with God (a discussion where I presented my fears to the LORD like who will take care of my children and do all the things for them that only I can do, could we negotiate my survival until the youngest ones 18th birthday, etc.) and it is as if HE spoke to me and asked "do you trust ME?" "Don't you think I can handle your husband and your children?" And I really had to ask myself whether or not I did...I Did and Do. After that MY SAVIOR gave me peace, and guided my decisions that I made. Remember to stop and listen, HE will speak to you and give you everything you need and everything your family needs.

    "But now, this is what the LORD says- ...
    Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
    I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
    When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
    and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
    When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.
    For I am the LORD, your God,
    the HOLY One of Israel, your Savior;" Isaiah 43:1-3

    Today, I know my tumor is benign. I have received radiation but must continue to watch it. This tumor, like so many hardships has become my blessing. I am going to be praying for you and your family... and expecting GOD's favor on you.

  4. We will keep you and the family in our prayers.
    Tracy,Garry and Lakin Rand

  5. You are such a beautiful reflection of God's grace. I am praying for a miracle for you and your family.

  6. Laura I am praying for you and your family

  7. Laura, you and your family are in my daily prayers. What beautiful choices of verses from the most beautiful book ever written. I love how the Lord prepares us. I heard recently from another struggler that someone encouraged her to look at trials this way: Not to feel picked on but picked out.

    When I found myself in a trial last year, this was one of my verses that sustained me:

    James 1:2-4 (Amplified Bible)
    2Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations.

    3Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience.

    4But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be [people] perfectly and fully developed [with no defects], lacking in nothing.

    I appreciated Mark making mention that God cares for our character, not necessarily our comfort, and that He has you in the palm of His hand with His fingers lovingly acting as a filter for what is allowed through. Jesus told us that we can count on trouble in this life, in this fallen world and in this earthly body. Take heart in Him who has overcome the world.

  8. Laura,
    My favorite verse is Psalms 46:10 Be still and know I am God. I think sometimes thats all we need to do. Because when we remember that we know NOTHING is to big for him to take care of for his childern.Just be be still in in him and let him just wrap you in his love and hold you a while and rest in his peace.We are here to walk through this with you and be there for whatever you need from us. Please lean on us and let us help you now.
    Love ya,

  9. Laura,
    I keep you and your family in my daily prayers! What a witness you are!!

  10. Laura,

    I don't know what to say except that I am praying for you and your family (as I always do).

    With love,

    Niki Hutton

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  12. Hey Laura--I know I've told you a few times already and I'm sure I'll tell you a few times more--your lesson of May 14 at Women of COF changed my way of thinking and my life in ways I never thought possible. You truly are God's supreme messenger! Choosing to make the right choices is not always the easy thing to do but it brings a wealth of peace like I've never known. Peace be with you today and always. You are in my prayers always! Love you, Karen

  13. Dear Laura and Mark
    Again you have been in my thoughts and prayers all day today. I will continue to pray for you to have peace, strength and for healing and this to be OVER for you.
    With Love,
    Vickie Dismuke

  14. Laura,
    Your blog is truly an should write a book :)