Note to Self...

MONDAY, JUNE 1, 2009

It feels like there are two of me – the “Normal Laura” that performs the everyday tasks of life, and the “Cancer Patient Laura” who is consumed by doctor appointments, medical procedures, phone calls, waiting, and fear.

Monday morning I go into “Cancer Patient Laura” mode. Fear is a constant companion. It permeates everything, just under the surface. Fear of the unknown. Fear for my children. Fear of the future. Fear that I won’t be able to handle what comes my way. But then I remember that faith is not the absence of fear, faith is choosing to trust God in spite of the fear I feel. That’s it – Faith is a choice.

How many times have I taught that lesson? Faith is a choice. Choose faith today, Laura. I look back at all the Ladies Bible studies I’ve taught just this year. Every one was centered on the fact that we have to choose. God gave those lessons for ME!

May 14, 2009 Women of COF – These are some of the verses that I shared:

“Pour out your heart to God, for He is our refuge.” Psalm 62:8

“’In my distress, I said, God cannot see me!’ But You heard my prayer when I cried out to You for help.” Psalm 31:22

“…We saw how powerless we were to help ourselves; but that was good for then we put everything into the hands of God, who alone could save us, for He can even raise the dead.” 2 Corinthians 1:9

“So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace.” 2 Corinthians 4:16


Today we visited the colorectal surgeon. Wow, was that fun! He took another biopsy of the tumor, and sent me downtown to have another ultrasound of the tumor.


Note to self: Always bring an extra pair of pants when you are going to visit the colorectal surgeon…just in case!


Unfortunately, the news was not very encouraging. The second ultrasound seems to show that three lymph nodes are involved and that one piece of the tumor has already broken through the wall and grown into the fat tissue surrounding the rectum. If the biopsy shows cancer cells, then we are looking at chemo and radiation in the near future, and surgery within the next three months. If they don’t find any cancer cells then it will be a very unusual tumor and they will take out larger sections of the tumor to be able to study it more. I have a PET scan scheduled for 1:00 Wednesday to check the whole body for cancer cells.


Please keep praying for a miracle! Thank you to all of you who have left encouraging notes. You are holding me up!


This is one of my favorite quotes by Mark Buchanan, “Faith is finally this: resting so utterly in the character of God - in the ultimate goodness of God - that you trust him even when he seems untrustworthy."


“…not a day goes by without his unfolding grace.”


Love you all!