Statistics show that only 54% of people with stage 3 rectal cancer survive 5 years. That sucks. And honestly, it makes me want to vomit. I don’t usually think about the numbers because they freak me out. And I know the numbers don’t really apply to one person, a person who is young and otherwise healthy. I honestly believe that I am part of the 54%, that God’s plan is for me to live to be old with Mark, to see my girls get married, to rock my grandchildren, to continue to go into the world and love on people because that’s what Jesus would do. But every once in a while, it creeps into my thoughts again. It is overwhelming. I don’t want to die yet. And I panic, wondering…
Have I loved my children enough? Enough so that if I’m not here it will carry them through their life? I hope so. Because I love them so much my heart feels like it will burst inside my chest. I hope they know.
And have I taught them enough? Do they know how good God is? Do they know He will never leave them? Do they know they can trust Him completely, no matter what happens in their life? Even if their mother dies. Do they know?
I had similar thoughts the night before each of them entered kindergarten! Had I prepared them to face the world? Funny how life comes back around. And again as we left the country to be missionaries in Mexico, would my kids be OK? Every time God assured me that I could trust Him to take care of my kids. He reminds me again.
Isaiah 54:13 “All your children will be taught by the Lord, and great will be your children’s peace.”
And, again, I surrender to Your plan. I want to live. I don’t want my children to hurt. But more than anything I want You to do what’s best for them. I want You to do whatever will bring honor and glory to Your name; whatever will accomplish Your purpose in our lives. And I say, “Come Kingdom of God, Be done will of God” in my life, and in the life of my family.
Hi Laura:
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you hear all kinds of stories that start out, "My mom had this, my Dad had that, my sister had this, etc." So stick with me when I tell you that 10 years ago my Mom was diagnosed with Stage 3 colorectal cancer. She was in her early 60's when she was diagnosed and underwent the traditional surgery/chemo/radidation. I am here to tell you she is very healthy today and has been cancer-free since her treatment. I know variables exist in every case, but, take comfort in knowing YOU will beat this with God's help. Thank you for blogging so faithfully.
Lynne Piper
Cypress, TX
Love you Laura! As always you (and your family) are in my thoughts and prayers daily!
ReplyDeleteVickie Dismuke
Laura, I have reluctantly followed your blog because I was scared! Scared for you, scared for someone else that I love so very much. She is your twin sister Barbara and she read to me today your blog and I have decided to come clean...I need to know you and your wonderfull husband Mark like no one else. I just want to hug you...and then take Mark fishing! I hurt for the both of you and feel he could probably use a moment out on a huge lake where he could just scream! Scream out to God or at Him! You guys have changed so many lives, including mine and for the better! Barbara and I love you both very much and pray every day for you. Be still and listen...you are in good hands!
ReplyDeleteEG
Im just so touched, moved by your thoughts and feelings that pour out.
ReplyDeleteNot a day goes by that I do not lift you up to God, several times.
"God, kick Bob to the curb, get him out of there and make all things right from the nodes to the cells to every single fiber in Laura's body. Pour your healing balm over her and enable her body to heal up quickly and that her testimony, life and light will continue on for many many decades and that as you completely heal her body that there not even be a scrap nor remnant left that can or will ever return and I thank you that you are merciful eneough and love us so much to hear our voice and heal our diseases. Thank you with all my heart, In Jesus's name who bore it all for us, Amen".
As I continue reading your blog I see a much bigger picture.... Every time... I see God doing something thru you and this nasty mess. I see a "Jobette" In you no matter what has been thrown at you, you continue to lift the Name and actions of one who is with Christ still higher; not only in the songs you hear, but in the way you are writing. It almost is as if God's hand is on your pen. I know you feel He is near because it shows in your SMILE !!!
ReplyDeleteWe love you and will continue in prayer.
Dianne
Laura... you inspire me. Although you are courageous, strong and faithful, you are also scared, angry, and doubtful - even if for a moment. Thank you for being so real. God has great things for all of us; both pain and joy are all part of the plan. I love you in Christ.
ReplyDeleteA Mommy of 2
Hi Laura!
ReplyDeleteI don't know you. I accidentally came across your blog today. I am a worship leader in Richmond, Virginia. Your blog is absolutely inspiring! I don't have cancer, but the things that you are going through are such sweet reminders to me of God's faithfulness. I am in the middle of the biggest storm in my life as well. My husband of 13 years and one of 3 youth pastors here at our church, suddenly abandoned my twin girls and I for another woman. This took place on March 1st. I've been blogging along the way. The Lord also gave me the verse in Isaiah 54:13 about your children being taught by the Lord. There are sooo many things that I am afraid of in this walk. I am trying to respond in the way that God wants me to. Sometimes I don't want to. Sometimes, as I am sure you do, just want to do what I want to do. You said something in one of your blogs... God gave you a gift called Cancer. It is a gift because it will help you live out your faith. WOW!!!!!! No statement has ever challenged me like that one. I have been given a gift. Abandonment. I cannot control what has been done to me, but I can control my reaction to it. I choose to allow God to use it so that others might LIVE.
Thank you again for your beautiful story. This little redheaded lady in Virginia will be praying for you and your family!
here is the link to my blogspot.
http://shortsong.blogspot.com/
Love in Jesus!
Christy Short
Dear Laura,
ReplyDeleteI am so inspired by the humanity you and Mark embody in your life and most especially during your present challenge. There is no one, I'm sure, that hasn't been affected by someone they love dealing with cancer, but do any of us truly know how we would react? Would are faith remain intact? So many Christians voice their faith and desire to one day be with the Lord, but when faced with that actual possibility, they may often lose their belief and steadfastness. To be human is to have doubt, to be terrified of the unknown, to want to run... how truly, deeply humbling it must be. You share your journey with such honest open grace, you humble us as well. You are in my prayers. Blessings and love, Virginia Leudo
Dear Laura,
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to thank you for sharing you testimony with the world! It is weird how I stumbled across your blog. I was on facebook. I noticed an ad on the right side of the page. I NEVER CLICK into advertisements! But there was an ad that catch my attention. It was for Clover. It was a company that specializes in creating websites for ministries. So I went to the website and your church was in the testimonial section. I thought to myself, I want to actually "see" a website clover created. Well, your church comes up when I clicked on the link. I saw your husband on the screen. At first, I thought, "I am not going to listen to the message, because my purpose was to look at the website to see what it looked like." But something inside impressed me to listen to the message. It was the message he is talking about your cancer. It was a wonderful message! It was very encouraging! Then at the end he mentioned your blog. This weekend I copied all the entries! I took it on a bike ride. In the middle I stopped and read it. It was so encouraging! During the reading I felt the Lord say to me,"If you fully trust in me, then you will not worry about the next step!" It made me think of a message I heard on TV once. The statement that stood out to me was, "God takes FULL responsibility for the life that is TOTALLY YIELDED to HIM." The reason this means so much to me is, I am fighting cancer myself. I was diagnosed on FRIDAY Feb. 13, 2009. But God has been faithful! He started preparing me over 6 months before I was diagnosed. GOD IS SO GOOD! I am learning to completely rely on Him. I am a very independent person, but this situation has cause me to see that I can not getting out of it within myself. God has to be my all and all! That is why I am learning to completely rely on God! The reason I mentioned about how I found you is, I feel God lead me to your blog. You are able to put into words the feelings I have in my heart. Again, it is a joy to read your blog! May God bless you. If we never meet on this side of glory, I feel we will see each other on the other side.
We will be praying for you to keep your joy in the Lord. The joy of the Lord is our strength!
D Thomas
from WA state