Monday - diarrhea + Imodium = all is well
Tuesday - woke up feeling good + end up feeling fatigue = frustration
Tuesday p.m. - Mark reminds me, "They said the effects of radiation would last 2-4 weeks." I am not good at waiting.
Wednesday - woke up feeling good + sent Ashley to Crimson Camp at OU = melancholy mom
And so it goes...
I find myself continually trying to keep things normal. It sounds almost funny when I say it out loud. Nothing is normal anymore. Everything changed on May 27th. We have a new normal now. It breaks my heart that I couldn't give Ashley a "normal" summer before she leaves for college. At least I gave her a memorable one! I was thinking about this as I fell asleep last night, wishing I could get in a Time Machine and go back to May 26th and somehow take a different path.
But when I woke up this morning I realized that I don't want to change a single thing! I would never go back! I wouldn't trade anything for what God has given me in the last 6 weeks. The intimacy I feel with Him, the amazing sense of peace that has overtaken my life, the first-hand knowledge I now have of His involvement in my life, the complete trust I have in Him. These are all things that I have struggled with in the past, and now they have become a part of me in a way I couldn't even have imagined before May 27th. I would not trade where I am right now for anything in the world, not even for a "normal" life.
"But as for me, I trust in You." Psalm 55:23