Monday - diarrhea + Imodium = all is well
Tuesday - woke up feeling good + end up feeling fatigue = frustration
Tuesday p.m. - Mark reminds me, "They said the effects of radiation would last 2-4 weeks." I am not good at waiting.
Wednesday - woke up feeling good + sent Ashley to Crimson Camp at OU = melancholy mom
And so it goes...
I find myself continually trying to keep things normal. It sounds almost funny when I say it out loud. Nothing is normal anymore. Everything changed on May 27th. We have a new normal now. It breaks my heart that I couldn't give Ashley a "normal" summer before she leaves for college. At least I gave her a memorable one! I was thinking about this as I fell asleep last night, wishing I could get in a Time Machine and go back to May 26th and somehow take a different path.
But when I woke up this morning I realized that I don't want to change a single thing! I would never go back! I wouldn't trade anything for what God has given me in the last 6 weeks. The intimacy I feel with Him, the amazing sense of peace that has overtaken my life, the first-hand knowledge I now have of His involvement in my life, the complete trust I have in Him. These are all things that I have struggled with in the past, and now they have become a part of me in a way I couldn't even have imagined before May 27th. I would not trade where I am right now for anything in the world, not even for a "normal" life.
"But as for me, I trust in You." Psalm 55:23
I understand this.
ReplyDeleteIt is profoundly confusing unless you can understand that nearness to God and the insight of His love means EVERYTHING and is more priceless than the air we breathe.
I am touched by this blog. Very touched.
((((( HUG )))))
Libby
AMEN!!! Our sentiments exactly since August 27, 2008.
ReplyDeletefrom Marcus - guitar player's mom.
ReplyDeleteGood (this is a God-word) morning Laura.
Psalm 18:35 "YOU have given Laura YOUR Shield of Victory, and YOUR Right Hand Sustains her!!!!
- His Right Hand - your Lifeline, Hope and Strength!!
Your FATHER'S RIGHT HAND - MAN - JESUS!
Psalm 44:2 "With YOUR Right Hand, YOU drove out the nations and planted our fathers, YOU Crushed the peoples and made our fathers flourish!"
- Laura, with HIS Right Hand, HE CRUSHED the evil ones...That is sooo intense.....yet, THIS WARRIOR GOD "IS" FIGHTING - present tense - for: YOU -
And - "IS" Gently Holding your hand today and tonight, and in ALL your tomorrows!! amen and amen!!
- Praying & Believing for you & all that concerns you!
Patricia Charity A.
Dear Laura,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your struggles with cancer. You probably do not realize how God is using you to reach so many souls through your inspirational words. I pray that each day finds you feeling better and stronger. My husband has been a patient at MDA for six years, and as you have already discovered it is truly a remarkable place staffed by wonderful, caring doctors and nurses. You are in my prayers. By sharing so openly your suffering and your beautiful relationship with God you have made me feel very close to you even though we have never met.
Gratefully yours,
Lucille Schreve (mother of Jeff Schreve and
Valerie Mitcham)
Laura,
ReplyDeleteI too, was diagnosed with cancer recently. While our situations are different I have told many friends the same words that you voiced about not wanting to change a thing about this summer. I have struggled with feeling God's love in the past but He has shown His love tenfold in the past month. While I wish I could rewrite the summer for my kids, I wouldn't trade this walk for anything and I hope that I can glorify Him to make this summer memorable for them in a godly way! I am eager to grow with Him more and eager to hear from you on your journey. Tricia