Saturday, July 11, 2009

"If I only had a brain..."

There are a lot of things that I am not allowed to have during my treatment for cancer. I am already making a list of all the things I will eat and drink and do when I am well. But of all the things that are lost to me right now, the one thing I miss the most is my BRAIN! I feel like the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz, "If I only had a brain..."  

It's crazy what stress can do to you. I can't remember anything. I put things down and can't find them again. I can't remember which emails I have responded to and which one's I haven't, or if I have written a thank you note for a particular gift or not. If you haven't received a thank you note, it's not because I didn't appreciate your thoughtfulness, it's because I am missing my brian! Please forgive me!  

At times, I really feel like I am a little kid, unable to think or process information, totally dependent on Mark, or the doctors to lead me along. I see and feel it happening, but I'm unable to do anything about it. Hopefully, before too long, I'll be able to welcome my brain back to the real world and life will go on as before.  Until then, please bear with me.

In my last post, one of the things I was thankful for was that I hadn't developed Hand Foot Syndrome. I spoke one day too soon...

I woke up Friday morning, hopped out of bed, and my feet felt like they were burning!  What a pleasant side effect! Sometimes with certain chemo drugs, mine being one of them, the medication leaks out of the capillaries into the surrounding tissues causing inflammation of the tissues and irritation of the nerves. This usually happens in the palms of the hands and/or the bottom of the feet, thus the name Hand Foot Syndrome. Every week when I go to the oncologist they ask about my hands and feet and look at them. I hadn't had any problems until Friday.  I only have four more days of chemotherapy for now, so hopefully I will be able to finish my medication in spite of this new side effect.  Please pray that it will not get worse and that I will be able to complete my medication next week.

If you see me at church this weekend with slippers on and my feet propped up, or limping around the lobby, you'll know why!

Thank you to all of you who were praying for my family as they traveled this summer.  The weary travelers have arrived safely home!


  1. Dearest Laura,
    I have read every one of your posts, but I have never responded to any of them. However, when I read this one about your feet burning, I had to let you know that the Lord immediately told me to tell you this--

    "What do I tell you about your feet in my word?"
    Ephesians 6:13,14,15 "Therefore, take up the full armor of God, that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. Stand firm therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace."

    Laura, I am hoping/praying you felt the Lord's message as He tells you to stand firm two times here and the precious reminder that He has already shod your feet with peace. How many places has God taken you in your life's journey where He has used you to bring the good news? Certainly "Bob" would like to attack your feet--but it is only temporary--God has shod your feet for life with his peace--NO one or NO thing can take that away from you.

    Stand firm Laura!!

  2. Praying for you and all the specific requests! I'm sure Mark is doing a great job being your brain. Jim will be "foggy" also throughout the IL-2 treatments and sometimes my brain is foggy on its own so I hope I will be brainiac for both of us! HA! Four more days, four more that's a great chant! So thankful the girls are home and will fill your days with all their stories about their trip and how the Lord used them. We are praying and I asked folks on our caringbridge sight to pray as well.

    To God be the glory,

  3. Just 4 more days, you can do it. Hang in there. Tomorrow will be better!

    It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. Deuteronomy 31:8


  4. Hi, Laura,
    So sorry that you are having trouble with your feet. I know if God is your 'Rear Guard", that He can take care of your feet too!
    I am praying that He will do just that as you have these last 4 days of treatment! Excited your girls are home because I know they will have lots to keep you entertained with!
    Thinking of and praying for you often,