Mark and I have lived in 19 different homes in the 26 years that we've been married. In spite of that awesome number of moves, I have never driven a U-Haul truck. Until yesterday, that is!
I am in Oklahoma this week helping our daughter, Sarah, move to her new apartment in Tulsa where she will begin her new job. When I arrived at her house in Norman it looked like one of the recent tornados had come through. Turns out, it was just Sarah and her roommate, Megan, cleaning out and packing up. I helped finish the packing and then several of Sarah's friends came and loaded her things in the U-Haul. Wednesday morning we hopped into the cab of the truck and headed to Tulsa. We had rented the smallest truck available, but still I felt like I was a bus driver. I just knew I was going to take someone out with the side mirrors! Thankfully we made it to Tulsa without any problems!
One of the most interesting things about driving a U-Haul truck is that you can't see out the back of the truck. In fact, there isn't even a rear view mirror in the truck, because there is no view. While I was driving the truck I discovered that I have a well established habit of using my rear view mirror when I drive. I can't tell you how many times I tried to check the rear view mirror only to find that there was no mirror and no view. I tried to check the mirror every few seconds the whole drive to Tulsa.
While I was driving and checking the non-existent mirror God whispered to my heart, "Don't look back." He caught me by surprise but I knew it was His voice. I still struggle at times focusing on cancer instead of living my life; wondering what I could have done to prevent this, or what I can do now to insure long-term survival. All these thoughts bring anxiety and I have been asking God to help me let it all go, to choose to continue to trust Him, and to move on. The same way it was useless for me to try to look back while driving the truck, it is useless for me to look back at this point in my life. God wants me to look forward; and so He used my truck driving experience to bring it home to my heart. "Don't look back."
Next up: packing and moving Ashley out of the dorm!