Monday, January 18, 2010

And...we wait...


That is the sound of me screaming because my platelets are STILL too low to receive chemotherapy.

This is a picture of me pulling my hair out because I am so tired of waiting!

My platelets only came up from 71 to 75 over the course of the last week. I was so frustrated this morning. Not only because I am so ready to be finished with all of this, but also because this was just another reminder of how sick I have been. The problem is that my bone marrow has been so wiped out by radiation and all the chemotherapy drugs that it is having trouble keeping up with blood cell production. Healthy people don't have this problem. Only sick people. And I don't want to be reminded that I am still fighting a deadly disease! Thus, the picture above!

Even my nurse was frustrated for me today. So frustrated that she cussed for me! LOL! She said that she knew I wouldn't, so she was doing it for me! Love you Vickie! 

So, we are back to waiting... again.

I know that God is doing what is best for me, but I am not a very good "waiter". I guess He knows this; and apparently it is a skill that He really wants me to learn!

"We WAIT in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name." Psalm 33:20-21

"The Lord is my portion; therefore I will WAIT for him. The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to WAIT quietly for the salvation of the Lord." Lamentations 3:24-26

"O Lord, You are my God; I will exalt You, I will give thanks to Your name; for You have worked wonders, plans formed long ago, with perfect faithfulness... And it will be said in that day, 'Behold, this is our God for whom we have WAITED that He might save us. This the Lord for whom we have WAITED; let us rejoice and be glad in His salvation." Isaiah 25:1 & 9


  1. AHHHHHHH screaming right along with you! I had those moments too during treatment, but I didn't have any hair on my head to pull! HAHA! Waiting....I know that was a lesson He was trying to get me to learn too. I'm better at it, but still have a long way to go. I know you are a fast learner, so hurry up!

  2. Screaaaaaaaaaaaming!!!
    Love you Laura!
    Vickie D

  3. Screeeeeeeeeeaming too! Were we really that impatient of a people b/c it sure seems like the Lord is teaching both of our families the amazing life lesson of WAITING!! Praying for you always!


  4. Hook me up and extract my platelets and my marrow - there all yours!

    And along with everyone else, SCREAEEEEEEEEEMING !!!!!!!

    However on a positive note, you look really cute screaming !!!! :-)

  5. That really stinks! I will join in on the SCREAMING chorus!! I agree with Libby, you do look cute. Again, on the positive side, maybe you will get to come to Women of COF Thursday night. We miss you when you aren't there.
    Paula P.

  6. This is from a previous post on Friday... both my young sons have c diff and take flagy. They have taken it for years. They consider themselves "well" and so do we. As I registered for the Fitt challenge today, Prov 23:7 hit me again like a brick "As a man thinks, so he is". I said this to my son last week. Both have immune deficiencies. We are "well". You are WELL! We are more well and whole than the rest of the world. You look well, and great. The Lord is healing my sons because they believe in healing and it is well. Love you and pray for you. wendy ps we never met, we're new, but I felt led to pray for you.

  7. I was going to SCREAM with you, but hesitated - Lord, what? He has reminded me (and so I share with you), As we wait on the Lord (for it is all in HIS time), He renews our strength - just as the eagle renews its strength as it waits on the HIGH place for the coming storm (Chem?)winds to come.
    When the storm hits, it sets its wings so that the wind will pick it up and lift it above the storm. While the storm rages, below the eagle is soaring above it. The eagle does not escape the storm, it simply uses the storm to lift it higher. It rises on the winds that bring the storm.

    So, Laura love, as you wait, be ready to SOAR ABOVE the coming storm (chem) by renewing your strength!

    With much love and prayers!

  8. Count me in as part of the screaming chorus line!

  9. Sending an extra prayer up for you today hopeful that those counts will be where there are supposed to be very soon. Thinking of you and praying!

  10. I am 34 years old and attend COF. I have had cancer twice the fist time it was 7 years ago. It was a rare cancer in the uterus that only one in 8,000 women get. And I was the chosen one. At first I too was so angry I had just given birth to my baby and also had a 3 year old, along with the fact that we were still newly weds.

    I had about four months of chemo therapy and during that time I lost all my hair but my wonderful husband cut his all off as well so that I would not feel bad. These were the longest four months of my life. I do want you to know I truly understand how you feel. I feel that god made our family stronger along with my relationship with my husband.

    I made it through and became cancer free and even had a baby 1 year later. Well last year I found out I had cancer in my thyroid and had it removed, I did not have to go through the chemo again but I was so scared. I am fine now.

    We have just had tons of blessings from that moment. I feel that only God knows why he does what he does but I am so great full for being here today and all the blessings.

    If you ever feel the need to talk please feel free to contact me any time.