Wednesday, June 9, 2010

The Missing Year

I have started referring to the past year as the "missing year." It feels like my "normal" life paused on May 27, 2009, and wasn't resumed until just recently. The year of cancer was just stuck in there. I notice the "missing year" a lot now, especially when I am out in the community or talking to people I haven't seen in awhile. There are new businesses I haven't seen, restaurants I haven't been to, information and activities that I missed. I feel pretty normal until one of these situations comes up, and then I am reminded that I had cancer, I missed a year.  

On one of the pages in my 2009 journal is a list. That's not unusual for me since I am the ultimate "lister." But this list is different. It's not a "To Do" list. This list is called "Things I have missed." The list includes specific parties and events, worship services, meetings, trips, foods, funerals, celebrations, and activities with friends. It seems funny, now, that I was keeping a list of everything I missed. But it is a stark reminder of the way that cancer invades and takes over every area of your life, not just your physical life. Cancer is uninvited, unwelcome, and it eats away at everything. It changes everything.

As difficult as that experience was, it also forms the backdrop that allows me to enjoy each new day and every new experience now! Every time I am able to visit with a friend, attend a party, go to church, or hang out with my family, I am so grateful for the opportunity to do so! I am happy to be able to hit the "play" button and resume the course of my "normal" life. 

This reality was brought home again this weekend as we celebrated my parents' anniversary and as we celebrated the upcoming birth of a friend's first baby. I was so thankful to be alive to celebrate with them, so thankful to be healthy and able to participate, and so grateful for a God who poured out his mercy and grace on me during the "missing  year." 

Teri, Krista, Courtney, Becky, Me

"Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see—
         how good 
God is. Blessed are you who run to him."
Psalm 34:8


  1. For some reason, which I am sure you will understand (or Mark will), this post made me cry. I am so there....missing things and yet looking forward to the day when Jim and I can do them all again. Thanks for your honesty!


  2. I love how real you are in all your posts. I am praising God that you are able to resume your life again!

    Rough couple of days for will completely understand...colonoscopy tomorrow!