Sunday, June 20, 2010

Island of Misfits

Remember "Rudolph and the Island of Misfit Toys"? Lately I have been feeling that I have become a misfit. In Rudolph, this island is where all the defective and unwanted toys are sent. While I don't think I am defective or unwanted, I sure do feel like a misfit. I feel like a very different person than the one who began this whole cancer journey. And I still struggle to find my place in my own life now! 

Here are words from my journal today:
Lord, I feel like such a misfit. I keep thinking I should just be happy that I am healthy and get to keep living; and most days I feel great. But then there are moments like these when the tears come again, or the anger, or the grief. 

I had such a good week and so many good things happened, and I saw your hand at work. And then today I feel like a misfit. I'm just different. I feel most at home when I am with other cancer survivors. There is an immediate kinship between us, a knowing...

I am one of the dwindling few who still read the Sunday newspaper.  I was feeling these things again today when I opened up the Houston Chronicle and found Parade Magazine to have a special report called "Cancer in America." According to the article below, I'm not the only cancer survivor who feels like a misfit. Maybe we all do.

Living After Cancer

"But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous, you surround them with your favor as with a shield."  Psalm 5:11-12

1 comment:

  1. I sooooo see a place for you that will be fruitful and home... a place where you minister your testimony and hope to others who are trying to survive cancer. Its perhaps a call on your life now.