Cancer can be lonely.
I have so many beautiful people around me walking this journey with me and yet much of the time I feel very alone. I think one of the hardest things is that even the people who I am closest to can't really understand how it feels. We are not able to relate in that way because they haven't been down the same road exactly. They can sympathize, and listen, and care, and provide for me, but they can't know how it feels. It's no one's fault. That's just how it is. Unless you have been diagnosed with cancer yourself, you just can't know completely how it feels. And honestly, I can't understand completely how my closest family and friends feel because I haven't been in their shoes as a family member of a cancer patient. So there is a disconnect that manifests itself in loneliness.
I know that God wants to use this feeling to teach me more about who He is. And to teach me that I am totally dependent on Him and no one else, even when I think I can handle things myself. When it all boils down, the truth is that it is always about me and God. Will I trust that He's here even in the most lonely moments? Will I wait for Him and listen for Him? Will I run to Him?
When my children were little (and still to this day) whenever they were feeling lonely, or afraid, or facing new challenges, I would tell them to remember that they are never alone. Jesus is always walking with them. I would tell them in those frightening moments to squeeze their hand and remember who is holding it.
I am squeezing my hand today. Thank you, God, that you are here.
"And be sure of this: I am with you always..." Matthew 28:20
"...the Lord is the One who holds (my) hand." Psalm 37:24