What I'm Longing For

Steven Curtis Chapman's words from "Heaven Is The Face" play in my head today:


"God, You know, I just can't see beyond the door
But God, You know, that this is what I'm longing for


But in my mind's eye I can see a place
Where Your glory fills every empty space
All the cancer is gone, every mouth is fed
And there's no one left in the orphan's bed
Every lonely heart finds their one true love
And there's no more goodbye, and no more not enough
And there's no more enemy, no more...


Oh God, I know, it's so much more than I can dream
It's far beyond anything I can conceive
So God, You know, I'm trusting you until I see..."




I had an appointment with the oncologist yesterday. My platelets were up to 88, a good jump, but not high enough to get that last chemo treatment. I wasn't really surprised and so I wasn't really disappointed. One thing I have definitely learned in the last eight months is that God is completely in charge of my treatment schedule, and He knows what He's doing. So, I'll enjoy my week off and get ready to be sick next week!


We did have the opportunity to discuss what my follow-up care will look like. It seemed sort of surreal... to actually be talking about the weeks and months (and years!) after I am finished with all my cancer treatment! It was exciting to think that I will actually be finished with all of this and to know that day is coming up soon!! And, knowing my love for planning and schedules, it was exciting to be able to see that there will be a pretty routine schedule!! Wow, I might actually get my life back! 


Now the challenge will be to go on with my life while holding onto all the things I've learned and incorporating them into my daily life. 


Lord, please continue to remind me of the lessons learned, and please keep teaching me. I want more of You.