I was crying last night as I went to sleep, just wishing that it could all be over, that "cancer" would cease to be the focus of my life, and that I could go back to some sort of normal existence (there's that word again! You'd think I'd learn!). Then today I got up, snuggled with the cat on the couch and pulled out my Bible, my journal, and "Jesus Calling." I am always amazed at how God meets me where I am. Here are the words I read today:
"Accept each day exactly as it comes to you. By that , I mean not only the circumstances of your day but also the condition of your body. Your assignment is to trust Me absolutely, resting in My sovereignty and faithfulness." (Sarah Young)
Exactly the words I needed to hear today. Such a perfect reminder to me that He knows where I am, He knows how I feel, He knows what's going on with my physical body, and I can trust Him.
At 1:00 p.m. we met with the oncologist. I was hoping to find out today what the next few months will hold for me, but that was not to be. We are waiting, again! I learned today that until this year the normal course of treatment for my type and stage of cancer would have been six months of IV chemotherapy following surgery. But just this year at the annual meeting of medical oncologists they presented research showing that in my situation further chemotherapy does not appear to be of benefit. Since my cancer responded so well to the initial chemotherapy and radiation, studies are beginning to show that no further chemotherapy is indicated. My oncologist is sending all of my reports and information to the doctor who is the head of the American Society of Clinical Oncology to get his opinion on whether I should have more chemotherapy or not. I was a little disappointed on the way home today and started crying, of course. But then I realized that this is really a good thing - getting a second opinion by the lead researcher in the field!
So, again, I will wait. Accepting each day as it comes to me, and trusting Him absolutely, resting in His sovereignty and faithfulness.
"I'll refresh tired bodies; I'll restore tired souls." Jeremiah 31:25