Although the last seven months have been some of the hardest months to live through for me, I have also experienced the most constant joy that I have ever experienced in my life. It seems like such a contradiction to have received a life-threatening diagnosis and yet to find constant joy in the midst of it all. I've shared with you before that I am not naturally a positive person; I tend to be melancholy and to see the negative side of things. But it's as if that has all disappeared in the last seven months and been replaced by a deep joy that bubbles up from inside of me every day. Not at all what I would have expected as a side effect of cancer!
I read this statement recently from Sarah Young in her book Jesus Calling:
"During times of severe testing, even the best theology can fail you if it isn't accompanied by experiential knowledge of Me. The ultimate protection against sinking during life's storms is devoting time to develop your friendship with Me."
I think this is the source of the joy. In the last seven months I have come to know my creator more deeply than ever before. And I have let Him know me. I have talked to him, argued with him, cried to him, rested in his arms, waited for him, trusted him, and followed him blindly. As our intimacy with each other has grown, my awareness and understanding of His deep love for me has washed over everything. It has covered everything, and colored everything. Knowing what I now know, I don't think it is possible to experience a day without joy.
One of my favorite things about the Christmas season is singing Christmas carols. I have them playing constantly in the house, and I love singing them at church. Today we sang an old standard, "Joy to the World". Chris Tomlin has added a new refrain to this carol and I was so happy to sing it out today!
Joy, Unspeakable joy
An overflowing well no tongue can tell
Joy Unspeakable joy
Rises in my soul, never lets me go.
That's the song of my heart, in the midst of cancer - Unspeakable joy!
I hope you find this joy in your life.
"I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness." Jeremiah 31:3
"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.' The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord." Lamentations 3:22-26
Medical Update:
Monday morning I go back to the oncologist. If all my blood counts are good then I will begin chemo round five. Hopefully this round will be better than the last one as we keep better control of my hydration issues! I am in the second half!!
Thank you to everyone who has been praying for David. He is better, and, so far, no one else has come down with swine flu! Thank you for praying!
I just want you to know that of all your posts, of everything you have shared, I have cried, I have laughed... but this one is my favorite...its my favorite because it so beautifully expresses the love of God.
ReplyDeleteMy son who is a missionary to SA told me of a pair of missionaries who were to be martryd for their belief. Death by burning on a wood post. One of the men begin to fear. He began to become confused, afraid, petrified, doubtful. They began to watch person after person being burned alive. When it was time for his friend to go he asked him "If its real, if you really know God is with you, raise up your hand." As the man began to burn and his flesh melting off his body the other friend watched in horror as his comrade burned up. In the midst of all that, the man raised his hand up high.
I have read over and over again biography's of persecuted Christians ( Jesus Freaks one and two as being eye opening books to read ) ... that is when they are so profoundly moved and ushered forward towards God's presence. What we see as horror, is an indescribable nearness to God that they get to encounter and experience.
Joy in the midst of pain is supernatural and a reflection of God.
I am encouraged and 'bubbly' reading your post this morning. :)
Thankful David is recovering and you guys are still standing strong against the Piggy flu!!!
Love and a great big bear Hug !!!!!
Well said! In agreement with you totally! Rejoice in the Lord always! AGAIN, I say rejoice!
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Rebecca Patterson