Without thinking, I put a piece of ice in my mouth - it feels like fire, and I spit it out across the kitchen! So many side effects, so many things to remember when I can barely remember my name anymore...
The tears come. I don't feel like I can do this. I'm not strong enough. What if it comes back? I'll never survive that... Dear Jesus, it's just you and me. And I cant do it, so it's really just You. I need you today.
I know in my mind that it is expected that I will still feel badly for a couple of days after the pump is disconnected as my body is processing and getting rid of the chemicals, but somehow I keep hoping that each new day I will suddenly not feel sick...I guess I set myself up for this...
Friday morning. I slept great. I am laying in bed. I feel good. I don't want to move. I don't want this good feeling to be replaced by something else. Maybe if I just stay in bed all day, just skip Friday, and get up on Saturday...
The tears come again. A full-blown pity party! Lord, please help me to get my eyes on You. I know you are here.
Geoff Moore's song, He Knows My Name, comes on the radio:
I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in His hands
I have a Father
He calls me His own
He’ll never leave me
No matter where I go
He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And hears me when I call
I know you are here! Thank you for never leaving. Thank you for carrying me today.
"These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world." 1 Peter 1:7
"You are building up an unshakable faith. Be furnishing the quiet places of your soul now. Fill them with all that is harmonious and good, beautiful, and enduring. Home-build in the Spirit now, and the waiting time will be well spent." - God Calling