View from the Exam Table

I had a check-up with the surgeon today. A fun time was had by all! Can you hear the sarcasm? Thankfully, everything is healing as expected. 


Mark and I walked out of the office building and suddenly I was  sobbing. I felt like my body could just dissolve in a heap! I realized that I had kept myself steeled for the past week through chemotherapy, side effects, Friday's luncheon, helping Mark prepare for the weekend, and my appointment today. Finally, the tension let go and I was a mess! We stopped to pick up lunch at Which Wich (If you haven't been there, you need to go! Delicious!) After we got home Mark collapsed on the couch and slept soundly for a couple of hours. I think he was feeling the same things I was. 


Here are a few pictures of the View from the Exam Table:

The reclining patient.

The artwork.

The faithful husband... waiting... again.

The doctor's headgear for peering into unseen worlds.

The doctor's gloves. 

Why he needs "diamond grip" gloves, I don't want to know. 

Don't even ask about the rubber tubes. Trust me.

Medical instruments of torture.

Reward for surviving the surgical check-up!

Precious Thoughts

A sweet friend of mine sent me a note the other day and she ended it with these words:


"God hears your name constantly before Him." 


That simple sentence brought such strength and encouragement to me. I am awestruck that the God of the universe would think about me at all, and yet I know that He does. I am reminded of this truth all the time. 


"How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered!" Psalm 139:17



Did you hear that? "They cannot be numbered!" He thinks about me so much that it's impossible to count His thoughts. Nothing escapes His notice - not my fatigue or frustration, not my freaky side-effects,  not the days ahead that He has already planned. Nothing. He is thinking about me day and night. He knows what my white blood cell count is doing, He knows how many days I will feel sick to my stomach, He knows about each muscle twitch before it happens! 


And He is thinking of the good days ahead too - the day I finish my last chemo treatment, the day I change my last ileostomy bag, the day I get to eat ice cream again, the day I celebrate His goodness and faithfulness with my friends in Costa Rica, and the day I finally visit the village of Matara in Burundi, Africa. God is thinking of these things because He is thinking of me. My God is good.


I hope you will start your week meditating on the fact that His thoughts about you cannot be numbered!

Fun Times!

We had a great time at the Inspire Women Awards Luncheon on Friday. I was honored to be recognized alongside  Beverly Terrell, Lesha Elsenbrook, Debra Lee, and Steven Alvis. These four are all leaders in our community and it was a little surreal to be named among them and standing alongside them. I was especially thankful to have my parents and my brother, Cary, with me, as well as some of my sweet friends! They gave me the strength I needed to be there while still recovering from chemo! 


My special prayer for the day was that I would not vomit when I went up to receive the award! Thankfully, my queasy stomach remained calm. The only issue I had besides fatigue, was the drawing up of the muscles in my hands and legs. I had trouble actually cutting my food and feeding myself which was kind of comical. Then, as I stood at the side of the platform waiting to be called up to receive the award, I was just hoping that my legs would actually cooperate and I would be able to climb the steps and hold the award with my hands and not grab it with my arms! Everything turned out fine and we all had a nice time. Here are a few pictures for you:

One of the sweetest parts of the whole day was that my mother had the privilege of saying the opening prayer. When she did she shared the following verse from Psalm 116:2:

"Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!"

Isn't that a beautiful picture of God's love for us, He bends down to listen; and what an amazing promise we can hold on to! And what a great gift to know that my mom is praying for me! 

Thank you, Inspire Women, for all you do to inspire women to change the world!

I Hate Cancer

I hate cancer and I hate chemotherapy. That pretty much sums up my week! Today was day four of feeling sick and having an assortment of weird disconcerting side effects. Not only do the chemicals effect every cell of my body, they seem to creep into my mind and emotions as well! I can see that the next five months are going to be a tough mental and emotional battle for me as well as being a physical one.


Mark and I had a good friend, Rich, when we lived in Fort Worth. Whenever Rich was sick he would say he felt like "death eating a cracker." I used to laugh at that statement, but now I completely understand what "death eating a cracker" feels like! Another friend told me that she called chemotherapy "Chemo-sobby" because she cried all the time. I am definitely living in chemo-sobby land! The sad thing is that I feel so sick I want to cry, but it hurts too much to cry! Even the bones in my face hurt from the neulasta injection. 


One of the most relaxing things for me is to sit outside in the sun. I haven't been able to do this since I began this whole journey due to the drugs I am taking. My skin is more sensitive to the sun and can burn and be damaged easily. The last few days we have had perfect weather in Houston. This is not the norm and I was so sad to be sitting inside, again, and missing out on such beautiful days. So, today, I decided to go outside and enjoy the weather, thinking it might help me to feel better.

Yes, that's me! Enjoying the great outdoors! Relaxing in one of our lounge chairs, completely protected from the sun! There's no telling what my neighbor's thought, but it sure felt good to hear the trickle of the water from the fountains, to hear the birds singing, to feel the warmth of the sun, and to feel the gentle breeze! The breeze even blew up under the towel over my head and I knew it was God reminding me of His presence with me. 

The simple things in life are sweet. I am looking forward to a better tomorrow!

Inspired

I am being honored at a luncheon Friday by a group called Inspire Women . Their goal is to equip and provide training for women to use the gifts that God has given them for His purposes. They raise scholarship money as well as provide leadership training for women in ministry. They have inspired women across our city to plug in and use their talents here and around the world.  I'm not sure exactly why they have chosen me to be one of their honorees this year, but I am humbled and honored by their recognition.



In thinking about the goal of Inspire Women, to "invest in women who change the world", it made me look back at my life at those who have inspired me. Here are a few of those who have invested in my life:

• My Grandmother - If you follow my blog, you've already read about my Grandmother and her legacy in my life.
  
• My Parents - My parents have always encouraged me to pursue my dreams. They believe in me.
  
• Mrs. Leon - Mrs. Leon was my high school Spanish teacher. She was an amazing teacher and she instilled in me a love of the Spanish language and latin culture.
• Art and Mary - These two were the student pastors at my church when I was in high school. They didn't have great training, skills, or experience, but they made up for it with their compassion and their unconditional acceptance of everyone they came into contact with. Their example made an impact on me.
• Mark - For 26 years Mark has been pointing me to Jesus and encouraging me to live a life of complete devotion to Him. He is honest with me, he always encourages me, and he believes in me.
• My kids - My kids have always inspired me to dig deeper, to learn more, to try harder, and to be better. They don't even know they do it! 

Webster's defines the word "inspire" in the following way: to influence, move, or guide by divine or supernatural inspiration. 

Who are those people in your life who inspire you and make you better? Take time to let them know!

Chemo update:  

I finished round three of chemo today. I have the usual expected side effects - nausea, diarrhea, hand and leg cramping, cold-sensitive mouth and throat, tingling lips, twitching eyes, hiccups, fatigue, and aching bones. The good news is that I know it is only a matter of a few days and then I will be feeling much better! And the even better news is that I am now officially 1/4 of the way finished with my chemotherapy treatments! Thank you for your faithful prayers on my behalf! 

Chemo Round 3

My total white blood count today was 3.8 and my neutrophils were at 7.0! So, today began round 3 of chemotherapy. I am physically wiped out. Please pray for minimal side effects, especially the following: nausea, fatigue, diarrhea, peripheral neurophathy, and muscle cramps in my hands and legs. The cramps are due to the chemo's effect on my electrolytes. It is not painful, but it is weird. I have a hard time controlling my fingers. So, if there are typos in this post, you'll know why!

I appreciate you all praying. If I don't post anything the next couple of days just know that I am sleeping and recovering. I am so thankful for your love and support every day!

Tragedy strikes

Tragedy strikes. No one is exempt. It comes swiftly, surprising those who are touched, leaving bewilderment and shock in its wake. As I get older I am realizing that tragedy is a normal part of the human experience. In the last month alone I have been aware of the following:

• a 4 year old boy is diagnosed with a brain tumor
  
• a 38 year old mother dies leaving a husband and three children
  
• a 48 year old man is suddenly jobless after years of faithful work on the job
  
• a father falls breaking his neck, he struggles for life for 6 weeks, and then passes away
  
• an oldest son commits suicide leaving his parents devastated and questioning
  
• a young mother's breast cancer returns with a vengeance 
• a young preacher is killed in a head-on collision leaving his family fatherless and his church pastorless

How do we survive these kinds of things? Where do we go with our grief? Where do we take our questions, our anger, our pain, our fear? I've stood by watching these stories be lived out and I've wondered, how does someone survive that tragedy? And I've prayed. "God, be real to them. Be real to them. Let them feel your presence." 

My cancer diagnosis can't even compare to some of these other losses, but the one thing it has shown me is that God is real. He is here. He will never leave. 

In our anguish we usually question "Why?" But I have found that this question never brings any comfort. And, honestly, if I knew why, would it really make me feel any better or lessen my grief or fill my emptiness? I don't think so. 

Instead of looking for "why" I start looking for "Who." Who is the one who said he will catch my tears in his hand and dry every tear from my eye, the one who said he would never leave me or forsake me, the one who said he would turn my mourning into dancing? He's the one who will see me through when tragedy strikes. He is the only one who can.

"The LORD is there to rescue all who are discouraged and have given up hope." Psalm 34:18


"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3