Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Solitary Road

Sunday, December 12th, I am walking down the hospital corridor and I have to laugh... after all my hospital and doctor visits,  then Mark's mother's surgery, then two weeks with her in ICU, then my father-in-law spent 24 hours in the hospital, and now - here I am again! I just checked Mark into the hospital through the emergency room.  What else could possibly happen?! Everyone here at least knows our faces if not our names. I am thinking we should just keep a room on hold for the next time we need it!

Thankfully, this turns out to be just another 24 hours at the hospital. Mark's heart checks out fine. I'm pretty sure it's stress. We make it home on Monday afternoon and I collapse on the bed, exhausted. I didn't realize how worried I had really been. 

At this point I begin to question, "God, are you sure you know what you're doing? I know you said you wouldn't give me more than I can handle, but I sure feel like I am at the limit." 

There are days when I find myself still struggling. And then I find myself angry that I am still struggling. It seems like I should be able to pick up where I left off and go on with my life. But somehow things are different now. The path is unfamiliar and my steps are tentative.

I read the following quote from Elizabeth Edwards this week:  "The act of looking forward after a setback is a solitary act...It is a gift, but also a learned skill..."

It describes perfectly how I feel - on a solitary road, learning a new skill, trying to recognize this as a gift from a God who knows perfectly what I need. 


  1. Unbelievable! Which hospital are you frequenting? We need to buy stock in it! :) Praying all is calm and bright for you this week!

  2. Hoping things are calming down for you. Have a wonderful Christmas with your family! Prayers!