Saturday, May 30, 2009
Mark did a great job tonight sharing with COF all that is going on. I didn’t even really cry, just shook the whole time. Donald picked awesome praise music for me. Mom, Dad, and Cary were there. They told me that when Mark started reading my journal that Daddy laid his head on Momma’s shoulder weeping. I’m glad I didn’t see that, it would have been the end for me. Momma is strong…
I dropped a bowl with cat food in it tonight and I lost it – I’m mad at the pets, as if they’ve done something wrong…. I don’t want to be this person! I don’t want to be the person with cancer. I don’t want my plans to be messed up. Everything was going so well…Mark and I just spent the last week talking about our life and how everything was getting ready to change. We will have an empty nest. We were making plans for next steps at COF and our work around the world. Everything is on hold now and I’m angry at the cat.
My prayer for my life, my family’s life, and for COF at the beginning of the year was that we would all say, “I am yours, body and soul.” Like Mary, Jesus’ mother, said. I’ve been praying that for months. I even warned the women at the Ladies Christmas Dinner that I was praying it for them and to expect God to be working. Little did I know it would be my own life where I would see my faith challenged and stretched. You must have been smiling as I prayed, God, you knew.
Some sweet anonymous person bought our dinner at Chili’s tonight and left a note for me: “’Do not fear for I have redeemed you, I have called you by name, you are mine. ‘ Isaiah 43:1b This verse helps me. Love & God bless.” We have the most amazing people in our church!