What I'm Longing For

Steven Curtis Chapman's words from "Heaven Is The Face" play in my head today:


"God, You know, I just can't see beyond the door
But God, You know, that this is what I'm longing for


But in my mind's eye I can see a place
Where Your glory fills every empty space
All the cancer is gone, every mouth is fed
And there's no one left in the orphan's bed
Every lonely heart finds their one true love
And there's no more goodbye, and no more not enough
And there's no more enemy, no more...


Oh God, I know, it's so much more than I can dream
It's far beyond anything I can conceive
So God, You know, I'm trusting you until I see..."




I had an appointment with the oncologist yesterday. My platelets were up to 88, a good jump, but not high enough to get that last chemo treatment. I wasn't really surprised and so I wasn't really disappointed. One thing I have definitely learned in the last eight months is that God is completely in charge of my treatment schedule, and He knows what He's doing. So, I'll enjoy my week off and get ready to be sick next week!


We did have the opportunity to discuss what my follow-up care will look like. It seemed sort of surreal... to actually be talking about the weeks and months (and years!) after I am finished with all my cancer treatment! It was exciting to think that I will actually be finished with all of this and to know that day is coming up soon!! And, knowing my love for planning and schedules, it was exciting to be able to see that there will be a pretty routine schedule!! Wow, I might actually get my life back! 


Now the challenge will be to go on with my life while holding onto all the things I've learned and incorporating them into my daily life. 


Lord, please continue to remind me of the lessons learned, and please keep teaching me. I want more of You.

In Memory of Stacey

“For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, 

so my ways are higher than your ways

and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”  

Isaiah 55:9

I am reminded today that God's ways are so much higher than my ways, His thoughts so far removed from mine. I know His plans are good, but I don't always understand them. 

Stacey (right) on her 39th Birthday last week with her good friend Erica

My sweet friend, Stacey, went home to meet Jesus face-to-face today at 8:30 a.m. I'm pretty sure she is dancing with Him even as I write this! No more tears. No more pain. 


Stacey was such a source of strength and inspiration to me as I watched her positive attitude, her unwavering endurance, and her firm faith. Everyone who knew her was blessed by her in some way. She always had a smile on her face. I am thankful to have known her and I look forward to seeing her again one day. 


David Needham writes: 

"Man was created to be God's ultimate spiritual masterpiece. Created clean as a flawless prism, progressively being facetted more fully to receive, transform, and display the otherwise invisible glories of the infinite God into limitless, visible colors so that all creation might see God."

Stacey was a beautiful example of what David Needham wrote about; using her life to display the glories of God.  

Stacey, you will be missed by all who knew and loved you. 


Thank you for your faithfulness to pray for Stacey. Please pray now for God's comfort, peace, and strength for Stacey's husband, David, her boys, Beau and Jake, and her family and friends.

Be sure of this...

Cancer can be lonely. 

I have so many beautiful people around me walking this journey with me and yet much of the time I feel very alone. I think one of the hardest things is that even the people who I am closest to can't really understand how it feels. We are not able to relate in that way because they haven't been down the same road exactly. They can sympathize, and listen, and care, and provide for me, but they can't know how it feels. It's no one's fault. That's just how it is. Unless you have been diagnosed with cancer yourself, you just can't know completely how it feels. And honestly, I can't understand completely how my closest family and friends feel because I haven't been in their shoes as a family member of a cancer patient. So there is a disconnect that manifests itself in loneliness. 

I know that God wants to use this feeling to teach me more about who He is. And to teach me that I am totally dependent on Him and no one else, even when I think I can handle things myself. When it all boils down, the truth is that it is always about me and God. Will I trust that He's here even in the most lonely moments? Will I wait for Him and listen for Him? Will I run to Him? 

When my children were little (and still to this day) whenever they were feeling lonely, or afraid, or facing new challenges, I would tell them to remember that they are never alone. Jesus is always walking with them. I would tell them in those frightening moments to squeeze their hand and remember who is holding it.

I am squeezing my hand today. Thank you, God, that you are here.

"And be sure of this: I am with you always..." Matthew 28:20

"...the Lord is the One who holds (my) hand." Psalm 37:24

Please Pray

Many of you have been praying for my friend Stacey in her battle with breast cancer. She desperately needs your prayers right now. Here is the most recent update from her mother:

"My dear friends and family, things have taken a turn for the worse.  Stacey has been transferred to the Intermediate Care Unit as her breathing as gotten much worse, her heart rate is high, and she hasn’t really gained much awareness after her MRI session this afternoon.

The doctor didn’t arrive to visit until 10:30 this evening.  We are thankful that no metastasis was found in the brain.  Unfortunately her liver has gotten much worse and because toxins are not being processed through the liver, it is causing major distress on her body and organs.  All of the symptoms we see are resulting from the liver.

They suspect now, because of highly elevated white cell count, that she has a major infection (probably around the liver) and have done many blood tests and blood cultures tonight to determine where and what we are looking at. 

The doctor is highly concerned and hopes to reverse the issues we are dealing with quickly, but we are in a life-threatening situation now.  The next 24-48 hours are crucial to her overcoming this current challenge.

We obviously will not be going home tomorrow and she WILL NOT be able to receive her PARP on Monday. We don’t know how this will affect her participation in the study.

Prayer Warriors, our family needs you now more than ever before!  We are not ready!  We have not done the things we need to do!  We need more time!  God grant us this please.  Father, it is in your hands and we trust and know your will and your timing is perfect, but we ask your favour for more time!

Give us strength!  Provide her comfort!"

Thank you for praying!

No Taste

Sad day. One of my favorite things is Brach's candy corn. I usually only buy it around Halloween, but I bought a bag the other day and brought it home. (Is there any way this fits in with the "Get Fitt" series at COF?) I opened the bag today, looking forward to enjoying the sweet little candies, and guess what?? I couldn't taste them at all! Not at all. Zero taste. Nothing. The chemo drugs have erased my ability to enjoy candy corn (and most other foods!) by wiping out my taste buds! Boo chemo!

Thankfully, this side effect should be temporary, improving when I am finally finished pumping these drugs into my body. Here's hoping. It would be so sad to never taste candy corn again!

For those of you who are fighting cancer, you know there are other side effects of cancer treatment that I haven't written about here. Side effects that don't really need to be discussed in this public forum. But I wanted you to know that I am open to discussing them with any of you who are fighting this battle if you have questions or concerns that I can help you with. Feel free to email me at mlshook@mail.com.

Somebody please eat some candy corn for me!

"What if I asked you to..."

Mark and I served as missionaries in Mexico City for almost eight years. I first began dreaming of being a missionary when I was 17. Fourteen years later we sold everything we owned, Mark quit his job, we uprooted our kids, moved away from our family, our friends, and our church and went for our dream. It was an amazing time in our lives. God taught us so many lessons, we made some of the most amazing friends, and we fell in love with the people of Latin America. 


In 2003 I remember sitting alone one day, asking God for wisdom and direction for our lives, when I quietly heard Him whisper, "What if I ask you to give it all up and go back to the United States?" 


My response to Him went like this, "But I already did that! We already gave it all up. We sold our house, our cars, everything we owned, left Mark's job, and our families. We already did that, God."


And again He softly spoke, "What if I asked you to do it all again? Give up your dream and step out in My dream for you again?"


I struggled with my thoughts, my feelings, and my faith for a little while. Then I quietly answered, "Well I guess I'd do it again." 


And so we returned to Houston with no plans and no jobs, just a sure trust that God knew what He was doing.


Fast Forward...The year is 2009.


I am diagnosed with cancer and it just so happens that I live in one of the best cities in the world for cancer research and treatment. God knew what He was doing.


I am living in the same city as my parents, my brother, and my in-laws who have been an amazing support to me this past year. God knew what He was doing.


I am surrounded by the best friends ever who have cheered me on, listened to me, cried with me, laughed with me, and not let anything fall through the cracks! God knew what He was doing.


I am part of the most incredible church family on the planet! Just last night at our First Thursday worship and prayer service, I was surrounded by a giant group of the most awesome people who laid their hands on me and prayed for me again, and told me over and over that they pray for me daily. God knew what He was doing. 


God, may I always choose to go with your dreams. You can see around the corner, you know what the future holds. You know what You are doing.

"Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you your heart’s desires.

Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you." Psalm 37:4-5

Safe in Your Arms

Tuesday turned out to be an emotional day for me. I'm not sure why.  Mark says it must be post-traumatic stress. Lots of emotions have been tucked away as our attention has been focused on fighting this battle. Now, with this part of the journey winding down and the end in sight, it is safe to let some of the emotions come to the surface. That may be true,  I don't know, but for whatever reason, Tuesday was an emotional day, spilling over into my dreams.


All night I had dreams that I was being chased. Something unseen and deadly was coming after me. I was in fear for my life. Adrenaline would shoot through my system and I would wake up, heart pounding, only to find myself safe in my bed. They were only dreams. The truth is that no one was chasing me, I was safe.


I woke up this morning with God whispering in my heart, "The same is true in your life, Laura. No matter how you feel, keep your eyes on My truth. Take your thoughts captive to Christ. You are safe in My arms."


Plumb's song "In My Arms" began to play in my head:


Clouds will rage
And storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

I think maybe this is one of my favorite aspects of God's character. He is big enough, strong enough, caring enough to keep me safe.

“But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.” Psalm 59:16

"During danger he will keep me safe in his shelter. He will hide me in his Holy Tent, or he will keep me safe on a high mountain." Psalm 27:5