A year and a half post chemotherapy, I think I am doing good. Physically I feel great. Emotionally I seem to have conquered cancer. Spiritually I have learned so much more about my God. But then, out of the blue, it starts again.
Week before last, for two days, I feel tired. My immediate thought: "It's back." Anxiety takes over. I feel sick. I talk myself down. "You didn't sleep well for two nights. That is why you feel tired. Relax."
Last week, my stomach hurts. My immediate thought: "It's back." I remind myself, "You JUST had a colonoscopy; your colon is healthy. Relax."
Today, I wake up with a headache behind my eye. My immediate thought: "It's back. It has metastasized to my brain." I laugh at myself! "Really?? Colon cancer doesn't normally go to the brain. It's just a headache. Relax."
It's tiring having a brain, and an imagination! I obviously need to find something better to do with mine!
In a bible study I am part of we are learning in Hebrews that daily we have to make the effort to find God's rest - sounds like an oxymoron! Some days its easier to claim that rest than others - but He never promised it was going to be an easy one time thing. We just have to choose to channel our energy and imagination into into His power source. Praying that you find His rest and peace today.
ReplyDeleteYou may be diagnoised cancer free ..... But you will never be free from cancer. One day at a time with God
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