God's Love Call

Living in the wake of cancer, at times I find myself still struggling with residual thoughts and feelings. Thankfully, at this point, it is not constantly on my mind, but most days it still enters my thinking at some point. Not long ago, I spent the whole weekend, several days in fact, despairing if I would ever find "me" again, if anything would ever be the same again. Every thought, every conversation, every waking moment was consumed by these ideas.


And all weekend long there was a bird in our yard yelling at me. He would swoop across the backyard squawking. He even sat on the patio chair looking in through the back window - literally for hours, without provocation - hollering at me, scolding me, warning me.


I was aggravated. What is he doing? He is dirtying the chair! Disturbing my peace! Upset over nothing! We aren't going to bother him, or his nest. He has the whole backyard to himself!


Hours pass. The bird is still there - angry, determined, frustrated, squawking. This bird is crazy! Everything is fine, the yard is safe. We even like birds, for goodness sake!


The next morning I wake up, remember to spend time with God, pray, journal, ask His forgiveness for trying to make it on my own (again!) the last few days. I open up "Jesus Calling" for that day and here is what it said (I kid you not!):


"As you listen to birds calling to one another, hear also My love call to you... You can find me not only in beauty and birdcalls, but also in tragedy and faces filled with grief. I can take the deepest sorrow and weave it into a pattern for good."


God, it was you all along! Trying to get my attention, to pull my focus back to you, to get my eyes on your truth. You also gently tell me that I have been sounding a little like that squawking bird... fussing, complaining and whining instead of resting and trusting in your goodness. You're pretty funny! You can use anything and everything. You make me smile again. Thank you, Lord, for my crazy bird. And for never ceasing to call me, for never ceasing to meet me, for never ceasing to pull me up! Your love is never-ending. Please help me to recognize your presence today in whatever form it takes! I love you!

“But ask the animals, and they will teach you, 

or ask the birds of the air, and they will tell you. 

Speak to the earth, and it will teach you, 

or let the fish of the sea tell you. 

Every one of these knows that the hand of the Lord has done this. 

The life of every creature and the breath of all people are in God's hand." 

Job 12:7-10