Be Still

“Be still, and know that I am God; 

I will be exalted among the nations, 

I will be exalted in the earth.”

Psalm 46:10

Full-Time Joy

June 6, 2011

The last two weeks have felt like some of the longest in my life!  There are days I question God’s wisdom in choosing me to work in full-time ministry. “Full-time” in this context does not mean a five day forty hour work week.  It doesn’t mean a couple of busy weeks and then the pressure lets up.  It is constant. The responsibility is an impossible burden.  The reality is a physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual weight that will crush you if you try to carry it alone.

At Community of Faith we always talk about “doing life together.”  But this life is messy!  It involves hurt and grief and growth and tears. 

Doing life together means you listen and cry as a friend pours out their broken heart to you.

It means you counsel friends who are struggling in their marriage, encouraging them to continue walking through the “tunnel of chaos” to be all that God intends for them to be.

Doing life together means you take your friends to chemotherapy, you cry with them and rejoice with them at each twist of the cancer roller coaster.

It means you experience anger when faced with the devastating consequences of sin in a young life…again.

Doing life together means you laugh and cry with a young widow as she begins the process of grief at the loss of her husband and best friend, the father of her children.

Doing life together means you are overwhelmed by the depravity of humanity, the gravity of sin, the hopelessness of our world. Do we really hurt each other so easily? Do we really abuse children like that? Do we really enslave each other for our own gratification?

Doing life together means you run to the Savior again, and again, and again. You recognize that HE is our only hope. He IS our salvation. 

As difficult as all that may be, the pain is erased by the joy of doing life together!  What an honor to welcome new life into this world! What a gift to see the transforming hand of God at work in the life of a young couple!  What a pleasure to be the one who is called on in good times and bad! 

I am privileged to see God’s miracles take place on a regular basis!  I am reminded over and over of God’s goodness, His faithfulness, His forgiveness, His mercy, His constancy, His power, and His love. I have a front row seat!

So, thank you God, for choosing me. Thank you for giving me the gift of a life of full-time ministry. Thank you for allowing me a glimpse of your hand at work. Thank you for letting me have some small part of what you are doing. Thank you for opening the windows of heaven to me!

“How great is the Lord! His power is absolute! 

His understanding is beyond comprehension!  

Psalm 147:5

Give me Faith

When I was in high school we lived in southern California. One of the tourist attractions of the area was Disneyland. I made several trips to "the happiest place on earth" over the course of those years, enjoying all the rides, shows, and shops. The ride I remember best was called Space Mountain. It was a brand new roller coaster and the line to ride was hours long. After you finally boarded the ride and strapped yourself in, the roller coaster took off and you were plunged into pitch blackness! The whole ride took place in the dark. There were invisible twists, turns, and drops. The blackness was pierced by screams and laughter. And when you came to the end, most people jumped off and ran to get in line to ride again. I was one of those people who loved roller coasters.


I guess maybe in some way those experiences helped prepare me for the whole cancer experience. Even after finishing treatment, having consistently good PET scan results, and going on to live my life, it still feels like I am on a roller coaster.


Roller coaster going up...
Click, click, click, click... big smiles... appointment with the surgeon... "Everything looks normal!"


Roller coaster drops...
AAAAaaahhhhh!!!!! ... shock... a family member is diagnosed with stage four breast cancer...


Roller coaster going up...
Click, click, click, click... laughter, smiles, hands in the air... a close friend is declared "cancer free!" Thank you Lord!

Roller coaster drops...

AAAAaaahhhhh!!!!! ... anger... my friend, Darla, is facing surgery #3 as a result of side effects from radiation... Why, God, when everything was going so well?!!!! 


Roller coaster going up...
Click, click, click, click... big smiles... another friend's wife gives me a big hug and says that her husband is doing well! Thank you Lord!


Roller coaster twists upside down...
AAAaaahhh!!! ... grief... my friend, John, continues to struggle in his fight against colon cancer. God please give him more time...


And on and on it goes.


Anger rears its ugly head again. I hate cancer. I hate that my family and friends have to deal with the grief, fear, pain, and complications of this disease.  But even as I struggle with these emotions, God meets me there. I am sitting in worship at Community of Faith and we begin to sing:


Give Me Faith
by Mack Brock

I need you to soften my heart
To break me apart
I need you to open my eyes
To see that You’re shaping my life

All I am, I surrender

Give me faith to trust what you say
That you’re good and your love is great
I’m broken inside, I give you my life

I need you to soften my heart
To break me apart
I need you pierce through the dark
And cleanse every part of me

I may be weak
But your Spirit’s strong in me
My flesh may fail
My God you never will

Tears come. God whispers to my heart:  "Why are you so angry?  You trusted me in your own battle with cancer.  Can you not  trust that I am working in the life of your friends the same way?"


Will I trust you still? 


"Give me faith to trust what you say, that you're good and your love is great."

Mother's Day 2011

Mother's Day Couplet, 2011

By David Shook

I've dreamed to see you dance among the Twa,

your body free, your heart agape with awe.

My new friends!

Celebration of Healing Dance!

"Precious in His sight..."

Batwa Leadership Committee

We had an amazing trip to Bujumbura, Burundi. It was so exciting to see all that God has done in the two short years of our partnership with this beautiful group of people! They have learned so much and accomplished so much! Their land is producing enough crops to feed all the families in Matara, to give food to their neighbors in need, and to sell. Their children are in the top of their classes at school. They have started several successful businesses that have grown, employing others!  They have healthy goats and cows. They drink milk daily!  Not one baby has been lost in two years!  They are full of joy and openly sing God's praises for how He has blessed them. And... they are looking forward to going out and helping other Batwa communities!  That's how it's supposed to be. God's blessing received, poured out, and shared. Thank you, God, for letting us be a part of what you are doing in Burundi!

Mom's Return to Travel

Last December I was sitting around talking to the kids. We were talking about the new year and the things we had planned, looking at our calendars and trying to coordinate plans. David started telling me of all the places we could go in 2011, from Kenya, to Burundi, to Turkey. The plans were elaborate and exciting!


Then he said exuberantly, "It's mom's return to travel!" It made me laugh, and more than that, it gave me hope. With that one statement he confirmed that I was healthy again. He validated the fact that my life was returning to normal, and that I would once again enjoy the things that bring me so much joy in my life!


True to David's proclamation, I have already spent several weeks traveling this year, to Oman, Syria, Egypt, and Jordan; and now I find myself at the airport again, headed off on a big adventure! 


I was first diagnosed with cancer about a week before I was to travel to Burundi, Africa, to meet the Twa people with whom Community of Faith had established a partnership. I spent much of 2008 and 2009 preparing for that trip. If you've read my blog from the beginning, you may remember that one of my first questions to the doctor was, "But I'm supposed to go to Africa in a week, what do you think about that?"


Of course, the doctor told me that I would have to cancel those plans and concentrate on getting my health back. With a sad heart, I followed his instructions, and with grief I sent my friends and family on to Burundi without me that year. 


But 2011 has brought with it "Mom's Return to Travel"! Today, I am at the international airport in Doha, Qatar, awaiting my next flight that will take me on to Africa for ten days spent with old and new friends! Mark and I will be meeting with young entrepreneurs from across the continent of Africa, listening, learning, dreaming, discussing, and praying together. Anticipating all that God is going to do for the people of Africa. 


Then I will take my first trip to Bujumbura, Burundi. I can hardly believe that this trip is finally becoming a reality! I am going to meet the sweet  Twa friends who have prayed for me all through my cancer journey! I will get to sing and dance with them. I will spend time at the village of Matara witness to all that God has done in two short years in and through this amazing group of people! I will meet Iribuka, the first little girl born on their new land, as well as many other beautiful children.  And I will worship God with them. The one true God who never forgot them, who loves them with an everlasting love, and who knit our hearts together from around the globe. I can't believe it's really happening!


Thank you, God, for giving me this opportunity. Thank you for letting me live to see this day! Thank you for my return to travel! And thank you that you never forget!


"But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children." Psalm 103:17

Damascus, Syria with mom

Sharm el Sheikh, Egypt

St. Catherine's Monastery, Sinai Peninsula, Egypt

Petra, Jordan

April 30

Today is my birthday. The second birthday I've celebrated since I was diagnosed with cancer. Birthdays seem so much more special now - now that the prospect of not having any more became a reality two years ago. Thanks to my amazing family, our crazy COF staff, and my sweet friends, I had a great birthday week! There were fresh flowers, shared meals, giant cookies, sweet cards, Facebook messages, surprise gifts, beautiful (?) singing, time with family, lots of laughter, and, of course, ice cream!  Thank you to all of you who made me feel so special today! And thank you to my creator who saw fit to let me live to see another birthday! 


"Indeed, if a man should live many years, let him rejoice in them all..." Ecclesiastes 11:8 

Open Eyes

I have always loved the story of the prophet Elisha found in 2 Kings 6:8-23. Mainly because I think it would be so cool to open my eyes and suddenly see what’s really going on in the spiritual realm around me. Wouldn’t that be amazing? The servant’s cry here, his nervous spirit when he sees the enemy army surrounding the city, sounds so much like me much of the time.

“Oh no!!!! What do I do???” I am looking at whatever physical circumstances are going on in my life and I start to freak out. I panic, or I go into the “I can fix it” mode, or I get angry or hurt or scared. Suddenly my life is a whirlwind of activity and emotion, everything spirals down to chaos.

Eventually, I turn to God and normally say something like, “Where were you? Why did you let this happen? Don’t you see what’s happening here? Don’t you care?”

This story is such a beautiful picture to me of God’s constant care. He is watching over Israel’s enemies. He knows everything they are doing, every evil plan they form against His people, and He makes sure that His people have what they need to succeed and survive. I had never really thought of this before. I know that God watches over me and protects me and provides for me. But to know that his care for me goes so far as to include constant surveillance of my enemies is amazing! God is watching, listening, moving, and working on my behalf constantly!

The story confirms the truth that God is omniscient. The word “omniscient” means “total knowledge.” Nothing can be hidden from God. He knows everything about everyone. He hears every conversation, and he reads every thought. God knows everything instinctively, instantly, perpetually, completely, infallibly, and eternally. He possesses total knowledge.

That’s kind of a scary thought. He knows all about us. He knows our thoughts, and he monitors our attitudes and actions. We are constantly under surveillance.  But when we see it from the other side – the fact that he knows everything means that I am completely safe with him – it changes the whole landscape of my life!  I don’t have to worry – God knows what’s going on. I don’t have to be afraid – God has it under control. He isn’t surprised by anything, not by circumstances, not by people, not even by me. 

Can you imagine the servant, when God opens his eyes to the spiritual truth all around him, he must have been totally overwhelmed. I can imagine what he thought – “Are you kidding me?? This is the true situation??  Oh my God (literally!) we are so OK! There is nothing the enemy can do against us! God is here! He is in control!"

One thing that is interesting to me is that Elisha did not pray that God would come and protect him, or that he would send his angels to surround the city. He didn’t have to. They were already there!  The miracle was not the presence of the angel guards; that was a constant reality. The miracle was that the servant saw them.  

Psalm 68:17 says, “The chariots of God are tens of thousands and thousands of thousands.”

It doesn’t tell us in this story how many angels and chariots were surrounding the city of Dothan, but can you imagine if there were thousands upon thousands? How small and insignificant the enemy army must have appeared when the servant’s eyes were opened to see them!

Everything changed in that moment - His whole perspective, his emotions, his attitude, his thinking, and his belief system. His fear changed to courage. Chaos changed to peace. Certain defeat was turned into personal strength.

It all came as a result of the awareness of God’s presence, and it resulted in victory!

God, please help me to see the reality of your presence today.  Help me to feel the security of your constant surveillance.  Help me to trust you again today.