Friday, May 18, 2012

Worth It?

Dear Cancer Researchers,

I've said it before, and I'll say it again... I am so thankful for all you do. However, I also want to say that there HAS to be a better way - a better way to fight cancer than flooding our brains and bodies with life-destroying poison!  

I have always been the detail person. I never forget things. At least I never did until I went through cancer treatment... 

Recently, Mark and I, and our friends, Donald and Gretchen, flew into the Houston airport. After passing through immigration and customs, I left the three of them at Starbucks and went to get the car to drive around and pick them up. I knew exactly where I left the car - Terminal E, Level 5, Row M1. 

Twenty minutes later, I am standing in the parking lot, fighting back tears, sweating, and ANGRY! My car is nowhere to be found. I have walked every row of every level of the parking garage. I am horrified. I absolutely can't remember where I parked my car. I feel like I have been betrayed by my own body; like I've lost a part of myself. This has never happened to me before, not once in all my life, until now. I routinely lose my car. I frequently forget conversations, I regularly lose things around the house. I can't come up with words or names. 

And at this moment, alone in the parking garage, for the very first time, I ask, "Why me?" Why did MY brain cells have to be killed? Why do I have to live like this? Is it worth it?  The jury is still out for me... 

Through the grace of God, I finally find the car, pick up my passengers, and begin the drive home.  I am quiet, processing what happened, when God gently begins to open my eyes. 

  • I think of the whole reason we were just out of town - celebrating the 10th anniversary of Comunidad de Fe, the church we started in Cancun. Person after person came up to us that weekend and thanked us for starting the church. They told us amazing stories of how God had transformed their lives and families through the church. It was such an incredible experience!
  • I think of the school in the village of Bubanza, Burundi, Africa, that is now under construction. It will open in the fall to classrooms full of adults and children who, for the first time in their life, will have the opportunity to receive an education.
  • I think of the young girls in Honduras who have been rescued from sexual abuse and are now receiving food, shelter, love, and hope for a bright future.
  • I think of the email I received just this week from a woman whose life has been dramatically changed through Community of Faith.
  • I think of the student at COF who included Mark and I in his senior legacy project at school. His mother wrote to tell us of the positive impact we have had on his life. 
  • I think of my own children and all that is going on in their lives. I think of Sarah's approaching wedding, secure in the knowledge that I will be there!
I am humbled, and I am grateful. Life is precious. 

Yeah... it's worth it. Brain cells or not, I am glad to be here! 

God, please help me to depend on you when my less-than-dependable brain fails me. And please... show those cancer researchers a better way to treat and cure cancer! 


  1. I'm so thankful you are here with us to share life and all that God has placed on your heart.
    What an even greater testimony that He is speaking through you each and every time you get up to talk. You can't get in the way of yourself. You are a beautiful gift to us all!

  2. Oh Laura, I sooooo relate to this. Chemo brain hit me hard. I thought after almost 2 years of being in remission that it would stop, but unfortunately I too have a hard time remembering things. It is so frustrating and at times down right embarrassing! Thank you for this post! Because of what I went through, I found Community of Faith and continue to grow as a Christian because of your wonderful church :)
    Donna Whitecotten

  3. Thank-you for sharing your heart. We, too, are praying for a better way! My husband is a 2x cancer survivor, and he is constantly struggling with the memory loss. He often doesn't know how to express his feelings, so reading this actually helped give me a little more insight as well! We know God has special plans for him! He's only 28, and we have faith he will live a long, fulfilling life! There are times when he just gets "down" and says he's feels "useless" now, so I remind him of our 3 beautiful kids. They all have special needs and they need their daddy! They need his love, his spiritual leadership and guidance. That helps him to put things in perspective because despite the chemo brain and the pain of the chemo induced neuropathy he is still there for them! We will continue to agree with you in prayer that God will open their eyes to another way. Blessings!

  4. Four years out and....what was I going to say???? Oh yeah, it still happens, not quite as often, but it still happens:) And yes, brain cells or not, I am grateful to be here too!
    Love you!