Monday, September 19, 2011

May I please be excused?

Sunday evening, standing beside the kitchen sink, I slowly pour the Miralax powder into the glass, add water, and begin stirring. This is day five of twice-a-day laxatives shots, leading up to the full colon prep on Monday afternoon. Tuesday I have the pleasure of Colonoscopy #4. 

Miralax is colorless, odorless, tasteless, grit-less, but still I gag as it goes down. It's a conditioned response I'm sure.  I make two batches of jello, put apple juice and sprite in the refrigerator. I am ready for Monday's clear liquid diet. I walk by the Half-Lytely box - I can't even look at it - I dread the Monday evening adventure it implies.

I climb in bed Sunday night, thinking to myself, "God, may I please be excused?"  

I remember as a child, coming in from playing outside, rushing through dinner, and then asking my mother, "May I please be excused?" I was finished with dinner and so ready to get back outside to play some more. 

And I find myself with the same feelings. God, may I please be excused? I have done everything - all the treatments, and appointments, and surgeries, and lab work, and tests, and scans, and exams - I am SO done with this! I want to go on! May I be excused?? Please?

I'm sure He smiles at me. "Take my hand, Laura, let me walk with you."

Monday morning. I am starving. My stomach keeps telling me to go fix something to eat. My brain intervenes (thankfully) and reminds me that jello is the only thing on the menu today! I decide to make this as pleasant as possible and serve my jello in Spode Christmas Tree China!

At noon I swallow a small pink tablet - Bisacodyl - it's stated purpose by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration is to cause diarrhea! Let the run, I mean fun, begin!

Are you sure I can't be excused, yet, God?

Reading materials and baby wipes in the bathroom, check!
Path cleared to the nearest bathroom (because I WILL be running!), check!

This evening's drinking of Half-lytely still blocked from my mind...




  1. I second the "love you"! YUCK, I even gag reading about it. I wish we were both excused, but we do what we have to do to stay here until He calls us home. Hugs to you my friend.

  2. From life to being excused your special