Down the drain!!!

David and Sydneyann couldn't be here to celebrate my first anniversary, but their presence was here in a special way. They recently sent me a very appropriate gift, a toilet trophy! In case you can't read it, the plaque says, "Laura Shook flushed rectal cancer down the drain in 2010!"  The only other trophy I ever won in my life was at a 7th grade speech and drama tournament. My best friend and I took second place for duet acting! That trophy is long gone, but this one will remain proudly on display for a long time!!

May 27, 2010

I wake up today to praise music playing in my head. It's May 27th, 2010. One year from my cancer diagnosis. I immediately begin to pray, thanking God for this one year, thanking him for all he's taught me, and thanking him for allowing me to know him. 


I go jogging with Sarah today - because I can - and just to show cancer who is boss! I don't get very far, but I think I got my point across! 


I eat lunch at Escalante's with some of my family, thankful to have this day with them. Thankful for their love and support over the past year. 


Nothing can take my joy away today! I am alive and I am healthy! 

A year ago today I was laying on a stretcher, having a colonoscopy for what I thought was hemorrhoids. Wow! What a difference a day can make! I woke up from anesthesia to find myself on a new path. A journey that I thought would be frightening and horrible, a journey that I didn't choose, and didn't want to be on. But it has turned out to be one of the most amazing experiences of my life! 

I have met the kindest, most compassionate people ever. I have seen the goodness of God's people around the world. I have seen actual miracles take place! I have developed deeper relationships with my family. I have found the peace of God's presence. I have learned that when I am weak, He is strong, every time. I have discovered the freedom of giving up control. I know the joy of trust. I have no doubts about God - who He is or His word. My fears have been replaced with knowledge that whatever comes my way will be OK. The intimacy I have with my savior is something I would never trade - not even for good health, as awesome as that is! 

Thank you, God, for one year. Thank you for where we've been and what you have been teaching me. Thank you for allowing me to know you like this, for knowing that I am safe in your arms, that you are totally and completely trustworthy. Thank you for showing me how strong I am and that we can do anything together. Thank you for all the new friends I have made along the way. Thank you for time alone together on the couch to pray! Thank you for teaching me to control my thinking and the power of my thoughts. Thank you for never leaving me, for walking with me every step of the way - every run to the bathroom, every tear-filled night, every screaming melt down, every doubt, every angry outburst, every ride on a stretcher, every retch of my stomach. Thank you for calming every fear, for holding me. 

There aren't enough words, so I'll stop here. Thank you for this year. I love you so much. Help me always to remember. Help me be as faithful as you are.

I know so many who never got to celebrate one year. Please wrap their families in your arms today.

"'Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,' says the LORD, who has compassion on you." Isaiah 54:10

More medical appointments

I went to the dentist today for the first time in over a year. Thankfully, my teeth and gums are healthy in spite of all the chemicals that were recently pumped through my body! When it was time to x-ray my teeth the dental hygienist grabbed the lead-lined apron and placed it on top of my body. It made me laugh! After all the radiation I have experienced in the last year, now they are protecting my body! It just seemed kind of ironic! 


Although I have not been to the oncologist's office lately, don't worry, I have had plenty of medical appointments, making up for lost time! I've been to the endocrinologist, the gynecologist, had a mammogram, and a bone density scan in addition to my trip to the dentist today.


The most frequent question I get is still, "How are you feeling?"  So, here's an update:  I feel great! I am sleeping well and eating well. I have even gained back a few of the pounds I lost during treatment. My hair loss has slowed down considerably and I have lots of new baby hairs growing in. The neuropathy in my fingers and feet is still there, but I think it is improving. 


My bowel system has settled into a new "normal" routine.  Many people who have been through the treatment I've had report that about every 6-8 weeks they still have a crazy bowel day; and my system seems to be doing the same thing. Last Saturday was one of those days; but, thankfully, I was able to go to church and make it home without any problems! 


Thank you for caring and for praying for me!

My Sanctuary

Psalm 15 “Lord, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill? Those who lead blameless lives and do what is right, speaking the truth from sincere hearts. Those who refuse to gossip or harm their neighbors or speak evil of their friends.Those who despise flagrant sinners, and honor the faithful followers of the Lord, and keep their promises even when it hurts.Those who lend money without charging interest, and who cannot be bribed to lie about the innocent. Such people will stand firm forever.”

I call this Psalm the pathway to intimacy. In these verses God gives us the steps to having an intimate relationship with him. Intimacy is defined as "being thoroughly acquainted through study or experience, in a close manner, touching, connected." My guess is that is the kind of relationship with God your heart longs to have. One where He knows you and loves you anyway, one where you know Him and are completely at home in His presence. 

The word “sanctuary” is used here. Sanctuary is defined as the “holiest part of a sacred place.” When you are invited into that place, that is intimacy. David is asking God in the Psalm, how do I get there with you? How do I develop intimacy with you? 

In the time of King David when this Psalm was written, the people understood the idea of sanctuary very well. No one was permitted to enter the sanctuary except for the high priest. And even he was only permitted inside once a year to make sacrifice and intercede for the people. The sanctuary was a holy and inviolable site.

Historically, a sanctuary was a place where fugitives were entitled to immunity from the law or from arrest. It is a place of refuge, a place of shelter, a place of protection. In the scientific world, a sanctuary is a place where predators are controlled, and hunting is illegal.

That’s what King David was asking God for in this Psalm – immunity from the law, refuge, shelter, protection from the enemy. He wanted to know how to get to that place of intimacy in his relationship with the Lord. I don’t know about you, but that’s the place I’d like to live too! 

“He is intimate with the upright.” Proverbs 3:32

Strange and Wonderful

I go to the gym today for the first time in a year. It feels strange and wonderful to actually be out in the world doing things that normal people do instead of sitting in hospital and doctor waiting rooms.  


Strange because it feels like I've been gone for a long time and the world went on without me! Strange because I don't have an answer for people who don't know where I've been this past year and innocently say to me, "I haven't seen you here in a while." 


Wonderful because I feel like I am finally emerging from a fog! Wonderful because I am alive! Wonderful because I am healthy. 


I actually do a Step class at the gym, followed by a little bit of weight lifting and yoga. As I sit on the weight bench testing my long dormant muscles, I marvel at the fact that I am there and I am healthy. I watch all the people exercising and wonder if any of them have cancer. I hope they are aware of the blessing of their health. 


I'm sure I will be sore tomorrow; but as I crawl out of bed in the morning and feel the ache of my muscles, I will praise God for every twinge, for He has been good to me and I know it!



"Long life to you! Good health to you and your household! And good health to all that is yours!" 1 Samuel 25:6

The Blue Dress

I was ironing a dress today (Yes, you read that right! It doesn't happen often, but occasionally I do iron!) when I remembered - this is the dress I often wore to go to the radiation center. I wore it because it was easy to change in and out of making those appointments a little less complicated. I slowly ironed, remembering those early days of treatment - the shock, the uncertainty and fear, the anger, the grief, and finally the peace that came as I chose to trust my Savior's heart. 


So much has happened over these months, and it all happened so quickly, that it's hard to remember it all. And I desperately want to remember. I want to remember everything that happened, every thought, every feeling. And more than anything I want to remember all that God taught me. I want to be able to use these things to help someone else. So, that's my prayer. 


Lord, please keep this experience fresh in my mind. Please take this experience and use it for your Kingdom and your Glory. I am available to you.

Passport to Intimacy

I recently read a quote by Bruce Feiler, the author of "The Council of Dads." Mr. Feiler was diagnosed with bone cancer in 2008 at the age of 43. At the time, his twin daughters were 3 years old. As he contemplated the uncertainty of his future, Mr. Feiler created the "Council of Dads" to provide stability and support that his girls may need over the years. Thankfully, Mr. Feiler is alive and well today, and the relationships that have developed between him, his wife, his daughters, and this special group of friend dads has enriched all of their lives. Mr. Feiler said that "Cancer is a passport to intimacy." I smiled when I read his quote because it confirmed my thoughts exactly! 


One of the side effects of cancer has been a deepening of relationships all around - with Mark, with my kids, with my parents, my brothers, and my friends. Learning (or being forced!) to admit your weaknesses and fears goes a long way in forming strong bonds between two people. Asking for and accepting help from others establishes a sweet knowing and connection between two people. A diagnosis of cancer strips away all the shallow and superficial ways we relate to one another and provides the perfect canvas on which to build a foundation of intimacy. It causes you to see clearly what really matters in this life. I have loved and been loved like I never have before. 


I'm so glad God chose me to walk this path with Him!


Thank you to those who prayed for Jim Patterson's surgery today. The surgery was successful and Jim is now resting comfortably. Please pray for a quick recovery without complications.


Thanks, also, to those of you who are praying for Ellen and John. John had a good report from the oncologist today. It appears that his cancer is responding well to chemotherapy. He will have another CT scan next week. Please continue to pray for his complete healing.