New Pastime

Cancer produces a lot of side effects, and cancer treatment produces even more. Most of the side effects are  short lasting or limited by the duration of treatment. However, there are some that are long term and require adjustments to be made as you live with them.


One of the most frustrating long term side effects for me has been the loss of short term memory. I recently read the following on my oncologist's website:


"Research has demonstrated that chemotherapy can have a negative impact on cognitive functioning. Long-term (5-year) cancer survivors who had received chemotherapy scored significantly lower on neuropsychologic tests, particularly in the area of verbal memory, compared with those treated with local therapy only (i.e. surgery). The patients who received chemotherapy also reported greater problems with working memory and were more likely to score among the lowest on the Neuropsychological Performance Index. Furthermore, some survivors may experience long-term cognitive deficits associated with systemic chemotherapy."


Not very encouraging. And on top of that, researchers are not really sure the actual cause of the memory loss and therefore have no helpful ways to treat it! 


I recently asked my oncologist if there was anything I could do to help with the memory loss. He looked at me with his familiar shy smile and said, "I usually hand my patients a pad and a pen...  but you are young, you can most likely re-train your brain." (I feel hopeful...) He recommended a trip to Target to pick up my new favorite pastime...

Doctor's Orders:  Play the Memory Game twice a day. Every day. This will help re-train the neurons responsible for short term memory. In the meantime, write everything down!

Things I have learned in dealing with memory loss:

1. Yes, Mark already told you that... you just didn't remember.

2. Make a list of the Christmas gifts you receive because you won't remember what you received or who you received it from when you sit down to write thank you notes.

3. No, you won't remember, even when you think "I'll remember this", write it down!!

4. When a "good idea" comes to you, write it down immediately. Good ideas are fleeting and they may not come back!

5. When speaking, always have notes... you won't remember what you were planning to say.

6. .... oops... sorry, I forgot what #6 was...

"Normal Colon"

If you've ever had a colonoscopy, the words "Normal Colon" sound pretty good coming from your doctor after the procedure is finished. If you've ever had colorectal cancer, the words "Normal Colon" following a colonoscopy are nothing short of a miracle!!


Many of you have been praying for my friends, John and Ellen, throughout John's battle with colon cancer. Yesterday, following a colonoscopy, those were the words the doctor said! He told them that the site of the original tumor is barely visible any more! There may be a few abnormal cells in the area, but visual exam of the site looks "normal"!! The power of two words - normal colon - can bring such joy, excitement, peace, and hope! 


John is still fighting metastatic tumors in his liver. He is on strong, regular chemotherapy. His spirit is strong, his attitude is positive, his belief is unwavering. He is dealing with the many uncomfortable side-effects of his treatment with grace. 


Thank you for your part in this unfolding miracle! Please continue to pray for wisdom for John's doctors, for strength and endurance for John and Ellen, and for complete healing of John's liver.

Day 1 without Biscuit - 1/4/11

There is no reason to get up. No one is prancing around wanting to eat breakfast and go outside. No one impatiently waiting for me. There is no one to eat Demitri’s left-over food, or at least try to! There is no puppy to sit beside me on the couch as I journal and pray. Everywhere I turn I miss him. I keep looking for him in his kennel, but it’s empty. The house is so quiet, no barking, no “old man” moaning, no clicking of his nails on the tile floor. His water bowl still sits in the bathroom. Sometimes I think I see him walk by. I feel like my heart will burst with sadness.  I put his food bowl in the dishwasher… remembering how he wouldn’t eat yesterday morning, and how he licked Ashley’s soup bowl the night before. Life is no good without him. If I could have just held on to him for one more day…  Biscuit’s pill bottle is sitting in the kitchen  - the medicine that couldn’t save him.  His reindeer toy is on the kitchen floor. I hug it to my chest. What do I do with all his things? His bed is no longer beside mine. I finally fall asleep holding Biscuit's sweater close to my broken heart.

Biscuit Shook

World's Greatest Dog

July 1, 1996 - January 3, 2011

Sorrow fills a barren space;

you close your eyes and see my face

and think of times I made you laugh,
the love we shared, the bond we had, 

the special way I needed you - 

the friendship shared by just we two.

The day's too quiet, the world seems older,


the wind blows now a little colder.

You gaze into the empty air

and look for me, but I'm not there...
- by Caro Schubert-James -

"The one best place to bury a good 
dog is in the heart of his master."

Ben Hur Lampman ---
from the Portland Oregonian Sept. 11, 1925

Twisted Thoughts

Overcoming a life-threatening illness that has the potential to return, kind of twists your thinking... at least it has mine. Here is how some of my thoughts go:


"This cancer has the potential to return.
If it returns it will be in my liver or my lungs.
If it returns it will be worse.
I will be more sick.
I will lose more weight.
So...
I better hang onto the weight I have.
Maybe I should gain a little extra.
Just in case..."


Then one day I wake up and none of my clothes fit. They are too tight. I have gained back all the weight I lost during treatment, plus some. I share this with Mark, who says to me, "It might be time to quit the 'support package.'"  


I laugh so hard at his comment, and I laugh at myself, at my silly thoughts. I guess it IS time to do away with the "support package" and get back on the treadmill!

The Butterfly

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over...
                                         ...it became a butterfly."     

Another Mighty Warrior

Another mighty warrior finishes well...


Brandon was 24 when he was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. When I first met him, he was a tall, strong, strapping young man. In spite of his imposing form, he had a kindness to his eyes that opened the door to his heart. He played basketball for his university. He came into Mark's office with courage and confidence, asking us to join him in praying for God's healing. 


Brandon was 24 when he took his last breath. The battle was short and intense. He proved himself to be one of God's elite warriors. His faith never wavered. A few days before he died, he called for Mark and me to come to his bedside. He was in constant pain due to the damage to his nerves. We weren't able to hold his hands or hug him because it hurt him. He could barely hear because his auditory nerve was damaged by the cancer. As he lay bravely in that bed, he said to Mark, "Tell me more about ruling and reigning with Christ. I've been thinking about that a lot."  Fighting tears, Mark told him, again, how God was preparing him for eternity. Brandon said he was ready. 


Please pray for Brandon's  parents, Sherri and Fred, and for his family and friends as they grieve his loss. Please pray for Mark as he performs the funeral on Tuesday. Pray that the words he says will bring honor to Brandon and his family, and glory to God, who carried Brandon every step of the way. 


"You did well. You are a good and loyal servant. Because you were loyal with small things, I will let you care for much greater things. Come and share my joy with me."  Matthew 25:21

"It's been an honor to fight beside so noble a warrior and a great friend." 

The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

 by C.S. Lewis