Miracles, Gratitude, and Love

I was reminded yesterday of what God has done for me over the past year and a half....

I had an appointment with my endocrinologist yesterday afternoon. This appointment was not in any way related to my cancer follow-up, just a regular exam to check the status of my poor functioning thyroid gland. My endocrinologist is an amazing lady and a sweet friend. She was asking me questions about my health now, post cancer treatment. I answered each question, telling of my clear PET scans, and how well I am feeling. 

Suddenly, she stopped typing on her computer, looked up at my face with a look of joy, and said, "You DO recognize what a miracle this is? From where you were to where you are now? You know, right?" 

I was a little surprised to hear her say it. Most doctors don't want to admit to you how serious your cancer diagnosis is. They want you to maintain a sense of hope and a fighting spirit in the face of difficult odds. She confirmed what I'd known all along: my life hung in the balance, in a scary place; and God performed a miracle for me! My heart was flooded with a renewed sense of gratitude. God has been good to me! I felt like I was walking on clouds the rest of the day!

Through the last few days, as we have been encouraging my mother-in-law in her recovery from a stroke, God has reminded me of a few of the things he taught me during my battle with cancer:

• Every day is a gift, live it fully!
• Every moment is an opportunity to cling tightly to Him.
• Don't pass up a chance to tell those you love how special they are to you.
• Be ready. You never know what the future holds. 

Life is unpredictable. Pain is inevitable. But even in the midst of difficult days, God's love and faithfulness shine brightly! Don't miss Him this Christmas!

Update on Jackie: 

Mark, the kids and I spent the evening with Jackie yesterday. I was surprised at the progress she has made even in just a few days. She is participating in about three hours of rehabilitation activities each day. She gets dressed each day. She has been walking in the hallways with a walker. She is getting in and out of bed and chairs with help. We enjoyed singing Christmas carols with her last night! Yesterday was Damon and Jackie's 53rd anniversary! Damon brought Jackie a lemon pie (her favorite!) from R.J. Goodies. What an incredible example of love and faithfulness they are to all of their kids, grandkids, and everyone who has had the honor to know them. 

Solitary Road

Sunday, December 12th, I am walking down the hospital corridor and I have to laugh... after all my hospital and doctor visits,  then Mark's mother's surgery, then two weeks with her in ICU, then my father-in-law spent 24 hours in the hospital, and now - here I am again! I just checked Mark into the hospital through the emergency room.  What else could possibly happen?! Everyone here at least knows our faces if not our names. I am thinking we should just keep a room on hold for the next time we need it!


Thankfully, this turns out to be just another 24 hours at the hospital. Mark's heart checks out fine. I'm pretty sure it's stress. We make it home on Monday afternoon and I collapse on the bed, exhausted. I didn't realize how worried I had really been. 


At this point I begin to question, "God, are you sure you know what you're doing? I know you said you wouldn't give me more than I can handle, but I sure feel like I am at the limit." 


There are days when I find myself still struggling. And then I find myself angry that I am still struggling. It seems like I should be able to pick up where I left off and go on with my life. But somehow things are different now. The path is unfamiliar and my steps are tentative.


I read the following quote from Elizabeth Edwards this week:  "The act of looking forward after a setback is a solitary act...It is a gift, but also a learned skill..."


It describes perfectly how I feel - on a solitary road, learning a new skill, trying to recognize this as a gift from a God who knows perfectly what I need. 

"I love you too"

I bent over and kissed Jackie on the cheek. It was as soft as always. I whispered to her, "I love you. I'll see you tomorrow." And she said back to me, "I love you too."


I drove home from the hospital, after a long weekend, with happiness in my heart. Happy that Jackie continues to improve a little each day. Happy that she is engaging in conversations, happy that she still has her sense of humor. Happy that she is opening her eyes more, happy that she is eating. Happy that I still have more time with my sweet mother-in-law.


If all goes according to plan, Jackie will be moved to a rehab facility sometime this week where she will receive intense physical and occupational rehabilitation. She will spend about three weeks there, and then she will be re-evaluated to see  what her needs are at that point.


Damon is doing well. He is adjusting to the idea that recovery will be a long process. All of us are encouraged and hopeful that Jackie is going to do great as she works hard to get well.


Thank you for all your prayers on our behalf. "I love you too!"

Progress

Jackie had another good day. When I got to the hospital today she was already up and sitting in a chair. She was talking a lot and laughing. She even told us that she was hungry and that a steak and baked potato sounded good!  They have removed the pressure monitor from her brain. Her vital signs are all normal.


The neurologist came by while we were there. She said that Jackie is doing well. She told us that it is still important for her to rest and not to be overstimulated. Her brain needs quiet so that it can heal. She said that Jackie's body will naturally try to "cocoon" and keep from being overstimulated; explaining why she maintains her eyes closed. Although we all try to keep her still and quiet, no one seems to be able to keep her from talking! 


Mentally, she is very coherent. Physically, she is tired and struggles with balance, but has strength in her arms and legs. Emotionally, she is calm. She recognizes that she had a stroke and can even remember what happened that night. She told Mark that she is not afraid. Spiritually, she is at rest, trusting that God is taking care of her. She is grateful for so many who are praying for her. 


We know healing will be a long, slow process, but we are encouraged by her progress. She is surprising all her doctors with how quickly she is improving.


Hopefully, she will be able to move out of the intensive care unit into a regular room within the next couple of days.


Thank you, again, for all your calls, emails, texts, thoughts and prayers! We are surrounded by the best family and friends ever!

Monday Morning

Jackie continues to make progress! This morning they took her off sedation and removed the ventilator. Before the procedure, Mark, Damon and I were telling her what they were going to do, and told her that she needed to try to be calm and not fight against the medical staff. We knew it would be scary, but it would be a quick procedure and would go better if she would cooperate. Then Mark asked his mom, "Are you going to be calm and cooperate?" Jackie shook her head "No." Then Damon asked her, "Are you going to be stubborn?" Jackie nodded her head, "Yes!" We all laughed out loud! That's the Gran Gran we all know and love!

The ventilator was removed without any problems. Her heart rate is up in the 50's. Today's CT scan showed decreased swelling in her brain. The goal is to have her rest quietly today with little stimulation, allowing her brain to heal. Tomorrow she should be more alert and they plan to begin physical therapy.

This afternoon, she was shaking her finger at Damon. The nurse asked her what was wrong. Damon said, "She always tells me what to do." And Jackie spoke out loud, "I do that."

That strength of spirit is serving her well! She knows that thousands of people are praying for her. Thank you for your part in this miracle!

Thank you for praying!

Jackie had a good day today.  Her condition is stable. Her heart rate has remained in the 40's and 50's. She is still sedated, but when they bring her up from sedation, she is able to answer questions appropriately by nodding her head and squeezing our hands. She is receiving very good care. The doctors plan to wean her off the ventilator on Monday to see how it goes.  Damon spends the days at the hospital and goes home at night to sleep. We have all been surrounded by family and friends. Thank you for your prayers, and please keep praying. Specifically, please pray for the following:

1. Pray for Jackie's blood pressure and heart rate to be within a normal range.
2. Pray for the pressure inside her skull to remain normal.
3. Pray that her body would quickly reabsorb the blood that leaked into her brain tissue.
4. Pray for protection from infection for Jackie.
5. Pray that Damon will be able to sleep well at night.
6. Pray for peace and strength for the whole family.

Thank you!

ICU Waiting Room Rules of Etiquette

Well, after spending many hours in the ICU waiting room, the girls and  I have come up with a suggested list of ICU Waiting Room Rules of Etiquette. Hopefully, you will never have the need for such a list, but if you do, here are a few things you should remember:

1. No children under 12.
Please leave your babies and toddlers at home. They are noisy and increase the stress level in a room that is full of stressed people. And children carry lots of germs. No one in ICU can risk being exposed to those germs.
2. No battery operated toys allowed.
Obviously, this is related to #1 above. I was tempted to grab a certain pink toy (from the father, no less!), stomp on it, and throw it down the hallway. If you must play with noisy toys, go to the main lobby of the hospital.
3. No clipping of fingernails in the waiting room.
I think this speaks for itself.
4. Do not use your cell phone on the "speaker phone" setting.
I mean, seriously? Do you think we want to hear your conversations??!!
5. Please throw your garbage away.
I shouldn't have to say this to adults, but apparently there is a need to be reminded.
6. If you can't eat without spilling crumbs on the floor, clean them up.
There is no one on call to clean up after you. Please be considerate of others who will sit in that seat after you.
7. If you have to listen to music, use head phones.
Not everyone shares your taste in music.

This list is not all-inclusive. I'm sure many of you could add to it. When in doubt, remember what your mother taught you: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."